Redemption
by Dark Chyld713
Summary: It's been two years since Kayla has walked away from two of the most important men in her life. Now he's back and she's torn apart. Can she fix things the way she wants? Can she redeem herself in the eyes of the men she loves? sequel
1. Redemption 1

It had been two years since I said good bye to Jeff at the airport. Two years since I had to watch my best friend walk out of my life. It has also been two years since I have been able to hold a decent conversation with him. All my phones calls were ignored; and any messages that I could send to him seemed to go unanswered. More than anything I wanted to know that he was doing alright. I wanted to know that he was healing and mending from the heart ache that I had caused him.

It had taken me three months to get any news out of his brother and only confident. Three months to find out that Jeff was not sure if he would ever be back again. My heart broke that night and it hasn't stopped breaking since. I try to live day by day without falling apart. I try to remember that I have a beautiful baby girl who needs me by her side to be her comfort and security. Even though most of my day is taken up when the lights go out I still find myself thinking of Jeff.

When he left I realized that I did love him and I know that I always will. The problem was and still is that I cannot love him the way that he needs and deserves to be loved. I had tried for months upon months to love Jeff as hard and passionate as he did me. Something seemed to always stand in the way; well maybe not something as much as someone. I know now that I should have let Jeff go sooner. Maybe if I had been honest with all of my feelings back then I could have saved a lot of people stress and heart ache. But hindsight is always perfect vision. How could anyone honestly always do the right thing at exactly the right moment? The truth was that I screwed up handling the feelings that I had between Dwayne and Jeff. I refused to admit what was real and true to save certain people pain. But by doing all of that I had thrown everyone I love into a whirlwind of pain and chaos.

"It's been months since we talked Kayla. You just walked away, why did you do that?" I heard Dwayne's voice in my head; Replaying the first conversation that we had after I left him at the airport.

"I had to Dwayne."

"You had to? I ask you to marry me and you walk away because you had to?" The anger and disbelief in his voice was evident enough. "Kayla I think that I deserve a bit more of an explanation than that. You have avoided me, my phone calls, letters, and messages for months. The least that you can do is explain why, the least you can do is that."

He was right I knew it the moment he said it. Dwayne was nothing but amazing to me the entire time that we knew each other. And I had walked away without so much as a word; then kept him running around for months trying to figure out a way to get me to talk to him.

"I was so angry Rocky. I was angry at you, me, at Jeff. I was angry that all of this happened, that I wasn't strong enough and smart enough to just admit to myself what I knew was true. Then you come out and propose. It was as if you didn't care that I just watched my friend walk out of my life."

"No Kayla it wasn't like that. If you had given me the chance to explain I could've told you that."

"I know I should've and I'm sorry that I didn't."

"So does this mean that maybe you'll be willing to- "

"Dwayne please don't do this." I had interrupted him. I knew exactly what he was going to do. He would ask me if we could become a couple again and put these last few horrible months behind us. But I didn't want to. I still wanted to cling to the hope that Jeff would be back. That he would look at me and tell me that the two of us were fine with each other. I knew that if I ran straight back to Dwayne then none of that could happen.

"Don't do what?"

"I just need time to be alone. I have Geannie now and she takes up a lot of time and energy. I really think what's best for me is to be with her right now."

Music hit in the background and I was pulled out of my reverie. Why was the Hardy's music going on now? Matt didn't have anything scheduled for RAW tonight.

Walking over to a t.v. so I could see what was going on the one thing that I was not prepared to see or hear was these two words. Jeff Hardy.

How can it be that no one tells me that he's coming back? I spend all my free time with no one but him on my mind. I had kept Dwayne at a safe distance all this time just to prove to Jeff that he was important to me and that I would sacrifice whatever I needed to repair our relationship.

"I know that it's a bit of a shock," a voice said behind me walking closer till he finally lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Matt why didn't you tell me that he was back?" Tears poured down my face no matter how hard I tried to stop them. "I'm sorry you probably think I'm crazy. I just didn't think that seeing him would hit me this hard."\

"You are the only one then. I didn't tell you because we all have jobs to do and if we just give up on that because of someone or something we lose sight of all that we worked so hard to achieve. I knew that you would lose sight of what you're working for."

"Do you think that he would?"

"Kay I hate to tell you but he's asked me to tell you not to see him." Matt finished my thought.

"Matt it's been two years though. Look at him he's just as good as ever." I said watching the monitor. It was true. No matter how long Jeff's absence was he captivated and motivated the fans just as much as ever. "I've missed him."

"And he's missed you Kayla. But he just isn't ready to see you, at least not tonight."

I nodded my head and walked back to my dressing room. I had a match in a few minutes and I knew that I couldn't break down. But I found it so hard to keep myself together. I had convinced myself such a long time ago that I finally let him go. I was even trying to get back to the point where Dwayne and I could be a couple again. Now here I sat wanting to cry and breakdown over simply seeing him.

My five minute warning came around and I cut off all thoughts of Jeff. If I had was going to be able to do my job and wow the crowd then I knew I would have to forget about the turmoil that I was in.

Although I went through my match with as much intensity as ever I was in a sheer daze. There is nothing about that night after seeing Jeff that I honestly remember.

Geannie was spending a few days with Shane at home to get a break from the road. This was the first time that I found myself thankful that there was no little smile, hug and laugh waiting for me at the end of the night. I wanted to stay in quiet and try with all my might to get a handle on these feelings that I had.

I made it to the hotel room without crying, running out on everyone who was expecting me to stick around for a bit. Once I was in my room I tried to sit down on the bed and think through some of the emotions that had crashed over me. My legs would not let me sit though, they wouldn't let me be still. I don't know how many times I sat down and stood back up. I paced the floor till I swore there was a groove starting to form in the carpet. No matter how hard I tried to control myself there was nothing I could do to calm my body down. There was a tidal wave of emotion that crushed me and caught me in its current. How could Jeff be back? Why wouldn't he want to talk to me? He is here somewhere; he was so close to me all night long without once deciding to see me. What began to bother and tug at me even more than Jeff's surprise return was why I had fallen apart the way that I did. I was more than glad to have him back. So why had I begun to cry and feel the need to run into his arms? Every sensible part of me knew that I didn't honestly love Jeff in the way that I wanted to convince myself. Why did I want to convince myself of that? My guilt over what I had done to Jeff was more than overwhelming on most days but I knew it wasn't why I was this way.

I began to believe that if I could just see and talk to Jeff just once then everything would be put to rest. Whether or not we would be friends was something that was irrelevant to me. Of course I wanted the friendship with him back; but more than that I wanted closure. I wanted a resolution to the horrible mess that I had created. If I had to throw myself at his feet and beg for days for his forgiveness I was ready to do that.

I grabbed my phone knowing what would happen, but knowing that I needed to do this no matter how bad the outcome.

"Hello," a voice said quietly and full of angst.

"Hi Jeff," I said hoping that he wouldn't hang up the phone. "Matt told me that you didn't really want to talk to me or see me."

"So then what are you doing calling me?"

"Actually I'm rather surprised that you picked up the phone." I heard Jeff sigh on the other end. "I'm sorry that I called and bothered you really I am. I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad your back. I am really, really glad to see you wrestling again."

There were a few moments of silence. I fought against myself to not say anything that I knew would be pointless and barely true. I had a habit of saying things out of nervousness that back fire on me too often.

"Thank you Kayla." He said finally. "I know that it was a big shock for you. Thanks for saying you wanted me back here."

"I can't believe you'd doubt that." I paused knowing that I was beginning to say something that would only hurt and upset Jeff no matter how I meant it. "I'll let you go then. I just wanted to tell you that I'm happy you're back."

I moved to hang up the phone and heard Jeff's voice. "Wait Kayla." He said in a rush. "Maybe we can get some lunch tomorrow. I'd like to see you and talk to you."

A rush of breath came out of me as relief washed over me. "I would love that Jeff really love that."

"Ok so then I'll see you tomorrow, say about noon?"

"That sounds great," I smiled knowing that I would see him again. "I'll see you tomorrow Jeff Hardy."


	2. Redemption 2

I woke up without any alarm or wake up call. I had found it hard to sleep that night. Seeing Jeff for the first time was something that was making me extremely nervous. I walked around the room not knowing what to do. The sun had barely risen and there was no one that I could call or talk to seeing as how it was so early.

"Come on Kayla," I said aloud. "This is not a big deal. He wants to talk that's all. It's been two years," I reminded myself. "If he didn't let go of this by now then he never will. And he obviously otherwise he wouldn't have asked to see me. And why am I talking to myself?"

I sighed and turned on the TV in the hotel room. Any other way that I could pass the time besides mumbling to myself like a crazy person was welcomed.

I finally gave up on passing the time and decided to get dressed and get myself some breakfast. I went down to the hotel restaurant and spent the better portion of the morning eating and snacking on anything that I could find and that was within reach.

"Kay," I heard an all too familiar voice call my name from behind me.

"Hey Rocky," I smiled trying to hide the sinking feeling that I had in my stomach.

"You are never up this early. What are you doing down here?"

"I really couldn't sleep all that well so I finally decided to give up and get myself some food."

"Then you're nervous about something," he said looking at me. I smiled trying to tell him nothing was wrong. "Kayla I know you better than that. I can see right through that gorgeous smile of yours. Now tell me what's going on?"

"He's back Dwayne," I said quietly.

"Who's back?" Dwayne looked puzzled for a quick moment before he understood. "Oh Jeff, I know I heard yesterday. Is there something wrong with that?"

"No I'm so happy that he's back. It's just that- well never mind."

"Kayla do not do this. It's taken me two years to gain back your love and trust. You still refuse to admit that we are together. I spend every second I can with Geannie that she's two seconds away from calling me daddy. You do not have the right to shut me out not on this."

"I cried, I sobbed I broke down after seeing him. I don't know why I did. Maybe it was because Matt told me he didn't want to see me. I can't tell you why I did, but I cried. I'm still completely nervous and jittery."

"Are you having second thoughts about you and me?"

"No Dwayne don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that at all. What I am saying is that I felt so much more emotion at seeing him than I ever expected. I thought that I had given him up so long ago; then to feel like I am now. I just don't understand any of it."

"Kayla you're probably just worrying about the friendship between the two of you. I would be hurt too if he told me that he didn't want to see me after having so much history together."

I nodded my head and tried to find the best way to tell Dwayne what I knew would upset him.

"You still seem a bit worried." He said looking at my face.

"I'm going to see him this afternoon," I said watching his face drop a bit.

"You mean you and him are together?"

"No the two of us are getting together this afternoon to talk. He asked me to lunch and I said yes."

"Without asking me first?" Dwayne's voice began to get louder.

"Dwayne I don't have to answer to you for anything."

"Only because you keep it that way! For two years you have kept me only so close for Jeff! How much more of this do I have to take Kayla?"

I began to tear. I knew that he was right. "I'm sorry Dwayne, I know I've- it's just- I don't know if I can- "

"If you can love me," he said getting quiet and putting his head in his hands. "I knew it was just a matter of time before you said it."

"No, that's not it at all, I don't know if I can be someone's wife. I know what you want from me Dwayne I just don't know if I can give it."

Dwayne looked up smiling at me.

"What? I don't know what is so funny about what I just said."

"Nothing Kayla, there's nothing funny. But trust me baby, when you decide to marry you will be a wonderful wife and make someone extremely happy. I just hope that that one someone will be me."

He took my hand into his and I felt myself relax. No matter what the situation was one touch or word from that man and my spirit began to feel more at ease. I looked at his big hands and stroked them with my free hand. "Thank you Dwayne."

"You're welcome. I hope that you enjoy your lunch with Jeff and that you put behind you whatever it is that it stopping us from being together." He gently kissed my hands and stood up. "Call me later," he said walking away.

I watched him walk away wishing that I could say something more to him. Wishing that I could tell him all the things that he wanted to hear. It seemed like every time I went to open my mouth I would begin to mouth the words and somehow lose my voice. I sat at that table for the next couple hours thinking about what Dwayne had said and what things with Jeff would be like.

I was lost in thoughts without any realization of how fast time was passing by. It wasn't until I saw Jeff's face that I began to feel all of my nerves come back.

"Hi Kayla," Jeff said walking up to the table. "Been a long time."

I stood up and pulled him into a hug. I was nervous and anxious but mostly happy at the fact that he was standing in front of me. "Don't you ever do that to me again Jeff Hardy; I need you in my life. I'm so happy that you're back." I clung to his shirt and took in his scent letting his shirt absorb whatever tears I was shedding.

"I know Kay, I'm happy I'm back too. I missed you everyday that I was gone," he whispered in my ear.

"Come on sit down." I said finally letting go of him. "We've got some things that we need to talk about."

"Yes there are, but first I want to know about that beautiful little girl of yours. Matt has told me such great things about her."

"I didn't know that Matt was telling you about her." I said surprised.

"I asked about you and her all the time. I'm surprised that she's not here with you."

"No she's with Shane for a few days taking a break from the road."

"She probably won't remember me will she?" Jeff asked a bit sad.

"No but I would love for you to get to know her now. She's gorgeous and smart and funny."

"Sounds just like mommy. Can I see her again once you're with her again?" he asked a bit nervously.

"Of course you can Jeff. I was so upset when you left that she would never get to know such a great man."

Jeff smiled nervously at me. "Is it strange that I am still so nervous about seeing you?"

"I'm just glad I'm not the only one."

We laughed together knowing that although things weren't healed between us we could at least be around each other without fighting or tears.


	3. Redemption 3

That night Vince called Matt, Jeff and I into his office. All three of us where very confused as to what was going to happen. In this industry too many things can happen in the blink of an eye.

"I'm glad to see that the two of you are speaking to one another again," Matt said trying to break the tension.

"Thanks Matt," I said to him with a smile. "Nothing like bringing up an awkward situation to help an awkward situation," I told him.

"I had to think of something to say, its way too quiet right now."

"I guess that no one really knows what to say. I mean how many times have you been in the boss's office that you actually liked it?" Jeff said looking a bit nervous.

"I can't think of maybe more than two or three times." I said agreeing with Jeff.

"I hate to see that it's such displeasure to be sitting in my office Kayla," Vince said as he walked in.

"Oh hi Vince," I said awkwardly. "I didn't mean anything by it, it's just no one really likes being called into the big man's office."

"Not even you?" he asked looking at me with a bit of a smile.

"Vince you know I love seeing you, but when it's business it's not always pleasant. You do things because they are smart not because you are trying to please any of your employees." I said smiling back at him.

"You are very right my dear, and to keep in the spirit of business I would like to tell all three of you what you are doing here." He paused looking all three of us in the eye. "I'm glad that you decided to come back Jeff. I have big plans to make you bigger than you were before if you feel you are up to it."

"I would be more than honored sir. I'm more determined than ever before."

"Good to hear that. Now what I wanted to talk to you three about is this; with RAW and Smackdown being split up into two different shows with different superstars there is a problem. Matt you are on Smackdown right now are you not?" Matt nodded his head. "O.k. now Jeff you came back to sign on to RAW." This time Jeff nodded. "And you my darling Kayla are my main diva here on RAW." I nodded. "What I am hoping for is this; a team extreme revival."

All three of us looked at Vince with a disbelieving face on. It had always been a plan to put me with Matt and Jeff Hardy but all of that got side tracked once Jeff took his leave.

"I have been getting e-mails and suggestions telling us that they want the Hardy Boys and Team Extreme back. I can think of no better person to replace Lita than Kayla."

"Vince I would be more than honored." I said. "Oh but only if it's ok with Matt and Jeff of course," I said right after. I knew that Team Extreme was something very close to the hearts of Matt and Jeff. No matter what had happened between Amy and I in the past she was the original woman that went with them. There would always be a certain association between her and the Hardy's.

"No matter what they decide or how they feel about it; it is something that is already in the works. It will be a major ratings draw." Vince said.

"I'm all for it Vince," Matt said. "Thank you for putting back on RAW." Matt got up and shook Vince's hand. "If there's anything else I have a match that I need to get ready for."

"You're more than welcome Matt you earned your place back. I'll be giving you more details as they get worked out." Vince said giving Matt an o.k. to leave.

Jeff stayed surprisingly quiet the entire time we were in the office.

"I just want to keep the two of you a minute longer," Vince said motioning for Jeff and I to sit back down. "It's more on a personal level than a business one. Now I know that there is a bit of tension between the two of you. Now let me get one thing clear; I am not all that happy on the way you left Jeff, especially not with what it did to Kayla. I need the two of you to work very closely and make it seem as if the two of you are once more back to where you were in that ring. I know that it is going to be hard for the both of you which is why I am asking you as a personal favor before demanding it that the both of you spend some time together and work all this out. If this reunion is going to work I need the two of you comfortable around each other."

Neither Jeff nor I knew exactly what to say. We had no real idea how obvious it was that two of us weren't the duo that we used to be. Until then we didn't know that you could see tension written all over us from a mile away.

"Go take the night and think about it. But remember that this is going to happen." Vince said giving us an o.k. to leave.

I didn't say a word to Jeff until we left the office.

"Would you like to tell me exactly what that was about back there?" I asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"Jeff you didn't say a word about me being with you guys again, you just sat there like you had gone dumb."

"I'm sorry Kayla," he looked down and said nothing. "I have to go I've got things to work out for my next match."  
"Jeff you cannot walk out on me again." I ran after him. "Why do you keep doing this?"

"What do you want me to say Kay?" he asked turning around and facing me. "Here's the truth I don't want you in team extreme. I don't want to see you everyday or have to work with you in the ring."

I stepped back from him and worked hard to not cry. "So all that stuff about Geannie? About wanting to see her and spend time with her?"

"All that was true, she was a gorgeous baby and I've always felt attached to her."

"Attached to her?" I decided if he were going to unleash some anger on me I would do the same to him. "Let me tell you something Jeff Hardy; no matter how great you want to make yourself look you don't know anything about being attached. If you were attached to that girl you would not have walked out like that. I needed you Jeff I told you as much and you walked out of MY life. Don't you look at me and blame all this on me. I tried so hard to call you and fix things. Two years, TWO YEARS!" I yelled at him.

"I left because of you!" he yelled back at me. "Do you remember that? Oh Jeff I love you so much oh wait I just made out with Dwayne downstairs while you were taking care of my baby!"

"It was one kiss Jeff one silly little kiss. I never once got a chance to apologize or explain myself. Maybe if you would've given me that instead of calling me a heartless slut and running away- "

"I'm not doing this right now. I don't know what made me think that I could see you again." Jeff said turning his back on me.

"That's right Jeff run away again it's what you do best. Things get rough and you buckle. I went for the wrong brother when I went with you. You are nothing but a boy." I spat out of anger. "I walked out on Dwayne for you; does that make you happy? I refused to commit to an honest relationship with him so that if you came back you would know how much you mean to me. If this is how you want to play it Jeff than fine but here is the truth about you; you abandoned me because I made one mistake. You are the one that cannot grasp the true meaning of love. Any time you do see it you run in the other direction like a coward.

"At least I am not a two timing whore who leads men on to believe things that can never be true. And in my opinion I did Rocky a favor. After all that you put him through I'm surprised he can still stomach the sight of you. You deserve to be alone."

It was at that point that my anger rose to a level I could not control. I walked straight up to him and slapped him causing his lip to start bleeding.

"If you did have a heart Jeff Hardy you would know that I have felt nothing but regret and guilt over this entire thing. But now, well now I'm just angry." I threw my hands in the air. "I'm done crying over you. You were right it was a mistake to see each other and it was a mistake for you to come back. You should have stayed gone as far as I'm concerned. Stay away from me and Geannie you don't deserve to know us."

I turned my back on him and walked away. Team Extreme may have been getting back together but Jeff and I were definitely not ready to have any sort of real relationship.

As tears began to well up in my eyes I grabbed my phone and called the one person that could calm me down no matter what the situation.

"I need to see you is it o.k. if I come over?" I asked

"Of course not but what happened?"

"I'll explain when I get there." I hung up the phone and hopped in my car speeding off as fast as I could trying to get as far away from what had just happened as possible.

"Dwayne," I said falling into his arms as he opened the hotel room door.

"Kayla what happened to you?" he asked folding his large arms around me.

"Jeff," I said to him before I started crying. "The things that he said to me Rocky; they were horrible."

"Oh sweetie I am so sorry." He kissed the top of my head. "Sit down and tell me what happened."

"Right now that doesn't matter; I just want you to hold me." I said laying my head on his large chest.

"Anything for you Kay."

"Dwayne do I deserve to be alone?" I asked him.

"What?"

"Do I deserve to be alone?"

"Kayla darling look at me," he lifted my head up so he could see my face. "There is no way that you deserve to be alone."

"Even with everything that I've done?"

"You've made your share of mistakes but there is more good in you than most people. You are an amazing woman and an amazing mother. No one on this earth deserves to be loved more than you."

I smiled at him feeling a little better inside.

"There's something that I have to do Kayla," Dwayne said to me.

"What? Do you have to leave?" I asked worried. I felt safe and loved in his arms and there was no place else that I wanted to be.

"No I don't have to leave," I looked at him puzzled. He gave a bit of a smile as he leaned in and kissed me.

"What was that for?" I asked him.

"Don't try to analyze; just go with it." He told me giving me another kiss.

"O.k." I whispered giving a slight moan of delight.


	4. Redemption 4

I woke up early the next morning looking at Dwayne sleeping next to me. It was such a new and yet familiar feeling to see his face right beside mine. True to his word he had not moved an inch all night long. I never left his arms the entire night.

The kisses that we had shared were all that had happened that night. He knew that trying to make anything more happen would have been a bad idea. It felt amazing to have his lips pressed against mine once more. It was something that I had stopped him from doing for two years. Now that it had happened I knew that I didn't want it to stop. I wanted to be able to run to Dwayne and get a kiss from him whenever possible. I smiled thinking that if I had him the rest of my life I would have all that I needed. Between him and my beautiful girl there was nothing more that I could want in my life no matter happened.

"Why are you watching me sleep?" he asked me opening his eyes.

"How did you know that I was doing that?"

"You used to do that all the time when we were together. Some things never change."

"How do you even remember things like that?"

He rolled over onto his side to face me using his arm to prop himself up. "I remember everything about our time together. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think to myself if I hadn't behaved the way I did when Steve found out about us that Geannie would my instead of Shane's."

"Rocky I never knew that you thought that."

"Why do you think I play with her so much? I love her so much and I feel like in some weird way she's the last link that I have to you." He managed a small smile to try and lessen the seriousness of what he had just said.

"Dwayne you will always be a part of my life. There will never be a time when I won't be around you."

"That isn't what I mean Kay and you know it."

I sighed. I don't know why but it was so hard to tell him what I wanted to. I wanted to tell him that I have loved him for all these years and that there was nothing that changed that. But when I went to tell him I flashed back to those months when I cried myself to sleep. When I sat by myself in the dark because of the things that I had done. It had nothing to do with what Dwayne had done. He was absolutely perfect; he always was. I was more than positive though that I would once more hurt him. I could never put him through that again. He was such an amazing person and there was no reason on earth why he should have to stay close to me only to get burned by the flames of my confusion.

I knew that I had no more feelings for Jeff that were holding me back but maybe Jeff did have a point. Maybe there was something to him saying that I deserved to be alone. Maybe it wasn't that I really deserved it but maybe I was better off being alone. At least this way I wasn't causing pain to the people I truly loved.

"Kayla what are you thinking about?"

"Nothing really," I lied. I was hurting and torn inside. I wanted to put faith in him that he wouldn't leave; but more than that I wanted to have faith in myself that I could keep Dwayne happy without destroying him again. "I have to get going. Shane is bringing my little butterball back early and I told him I would be at the airport to give them a ride."

"Well you must be happy that she's back."

"Oh of course I am. But it's good for her to get off the road every so often and have a permanent place to rest her head."

"I'm sure that you'll give that to her when she honestly needs it."

"Why do you have such trust and faith in me?" I asked him.

"Because you always do what needs to get done and you always stay true to what you think is the right thing to do. I know that first hand, I mean look at me; you left me because you said it was for the best."

"O.k. I get your point." He smiled at him and crawled out of the bed.

"Do you really have to leave?"

"Yes I really have to leave. You could always come with me. You know how much Geannie doll loves you."

"I love that little pebble just as much as she loves me." Pebble was the nickname he had given to her once she began to call him Rock.

"You really have to stop trying to make her into a miniature you." I said with a laugh. The two together could get lost in their old world of laughter and play. How could I not stand in front of him and think that this handsome well built man is the perfect thing for me? There was never a moment when he didn't take my little girl in as his own or turn his back on me no matter what had happened.

"I'm not trying to turn her into me I'm trying to turn her into you."

"Very funny," I said hitting him with a pillow. "Would you like to come with me or not?"

"I'd love to, really love to but unfortunately I've got a few business things that I have to do this afternoon."

"So are you going to lie about in bed until then?"

"I was thinking about it." He laughed and sat up. "I'll probably hit the gym for a bit before I get going. Call me when you get back and make sure that I get to see my Pebble."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I made sure that I had all of my things and began to head for the door. "I want to talk to you Rocky, just you and I." I said with my head on the doorknob. If anything was going to be fixed between us then I needed to be the one to step up to the plate this time. My heart raced and pounded till it felt like it was taking on a life of its own and trying to escape from my chest.

"You mean like right now?"

"No not now I really do have to leave. Maybe tonight if you can."

"Kay you look nervous, why do you look nervous?"

"Let's just leave it for tonight." I smiled at him.

"I love that smile."

"And I love you," I said unable to stop myself. I had blurted it out before I even knew what I was saying.

Dwayne was on his feet and standing by my side in one swift and fast move.

"Kay did you just say- did you mean- what- I've been- "

"Dwayne you are babbling. It just kind of come out of me," I panicked and looked away from him. Any time that I was close to tell Dwayne how I felt I saw all the times that I had broken his heart and brought tears to his eyes. "I have to go."

"Kayla don't leave now. I'm sure that you have time to at least talk to me." He took my hand slowly off the doorknob and turned me around forcing me to look at him. "Baby talk to me, say something. Tell me that you mean it; it's all that I've been waiting for all these years."

I looked at his face seeing nothing but happiness and expectations. What was I going to tell him? The truth would take more than the five minutes I had to spare to explain. "I'll call you later and we'll talk about it alright?"

Dwayne's face dropped and it was more than evident that he was disappointed. "But- "

"Rocky it's more complicated than those three simple words and you know it." He hugged him and kissed his cheek. "I'll talk to you tonight if you can find the time. And Dwayne just so you know I will always mean it. I have always and will always love you."

"Then stay a bit longer with me. Come back into bed and we'll stay there all day sharing whatever it is we need to share. Let me hold you Kay."

In his voice was the need and desperation to have me back again. I could feel every bit of despair and hope that was mixed into him as he clung to me at that door.

"I have a baby that I have to take care of and this just isn't going to work." I wasn't talking about Dwayne and I in particular I was only talking about all the contradictions that I was feeling.

"What?"

"Nothing Dwayne, we'll talk tonight alright?"

"You're doing it again, you're shutting me out."

"No I'm trying to leave the best way I know how. I have a baby now Rocky my life isn't just my own. I will find you tonight no matter what."

He reluctantly let me go and I ran out of the door before I broke down in front of him.

No matter how angry I was at Jeff for saying the things he did to me I could not get his words out of my head. I did deserve to be alone, I was convinced of that much.


	5. Redemption 5

Nothing brought my spirits up more than seeing Shane stepping off the plane with my most important treasure. She would be three soon enough. She was too smart for her own good and so pretty that she could melt your heart with one single glance. She walked closely to her daddy grabbing his hand and trying to play with him the whole time. Her curly hair danced around as Shane lifted her up and down making her laugh hysterically.

"Mommy," she called out the moment that she saw me. Shane let go of her hand so that she could run straight into my arms.

"Hi my little butterball, mommy missed you so much." I grabbed her and spun her around while kissing her making her laugh once more.

"You seem excited to have her back," Shane said walking up to me and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"You know how I hate to be away from her." I said smiling at her. "Mommy loves Geannie right?"

"Uh huh," she said to me. For two she was very smart and could answer most simple questions but full conversations were still quite a while away.

"And does Geannie love mommy?"

"I love mommy," she said smiling and wrapping her small arms around me.

"She didn't do too well on the plane ride today; I think that she's beginning to get a bit motion sick." Shane said staring at his daughter. She had taken on so much of the McMahon look but I was happy enough to stay that there was still some of me that you could see in her. "I didn't let her eat on the plane we wouldn't her getting a tummy ache right sweetness? So she'll need lunch and putting her down for bed early would be a good idea she didn't want to nap on the way here."

To say that Shane had stepped up to the role of father because he needed to would be an injustice to him. He had stepped up because he genuinely wanted to. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for either me or Geannie. The love that he had for her was so great and pure I never imagined that he would be as great as a father to her as he was, and still is.

"Whatever daddy says right? Because daddy knows what this little butterball needs. So let's say we get some chicken nuggets huh?"

"O.k."

"Shane would you like to join us?" I asked him seeing his reluctance to leave her side.

"Sure that would be great."

"So did you have fun with Daddy?" I asked Geannie as we walked to my car.

"Yes."

"Well that's good. But Mommy hates letting you go. I want you all to myself." I grabbed her and tickled her stomach to her delight.

Shane laughed a bit and stared at me for a moment. "Shane you're staring." I told him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just that you've become a great mother."

"Well you've become a great father." I said smiling and taking his arm. "Come on Dad let's go get some lunch." I said smiling at him.

So much seemed right when I was with Shane and Geannie. Had I loved Shane and had he loved me back my life could have been a fairytale from then on. But when has anyone in life known a fairytale? Oh sure we've dreamt of the princess ending and some might have even lived it; but no one ever starts out with the wonderful fairytale life the lucky just end up there.

"Kay you're looking a bit tense and stressed out, is there anything going on that I should know about?" Shane asked as we watched Geannie run around a park.

"I'm fine just got a few things on my mind is all."

"Would you like me to take Geannie for a few more days? I can take- "

"No," I exclaimed taking Shane aback. "Sorry I didn't mean it like that it's just that she just got back and I don't want you thinking that you need to keep her off the road. She loves to travel with us you know that."

"I know that she does but it only adds to the stress Kay and if you need a break- "

"He's back Shane." I spit out quickly. "He's back and I just told Dwayne that I love him and I don't know what to do because if I were smart than I would just stay alone and live my life out with Geannie and you." I talked so fast and said so much that Shane stared at me for a few minutes before saying anything.

"Jeff is back?" I nodded my head. "Have you talked to him at all?" I nodded my head again. "How'd it go?"

"Oh well he told me I deserved to be alone, he called me a two timing whore I think it was and blamed everything on me. And I called him a coward and told him that he should've stayed gone and that he knows nothing about real love."

"Sounds like it went smoothly," Shane said sarcastically with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah I'll put it up there with having sulfuric acid being poured all over my body," I said laughing as well.

"And because of what Jeff said to you, you are going to let that interfere with your relationship with Dwayne," I shrugged. "Whom you love more than anyone," I nodded. "And who loves your daughter and wants to spend the rest of his life with you." I nodded. "Why?"

"Because," I paused. "There's some truth to it Shane. I've hurt Dwayne a lot and I don't want to do that again."

"I think that it's his call to make not yours all on your own. If you were any kind of smart and I know that you are; you would run to that man right now and tell him how you really feel without hesitation and without holding anything back."

I smiled and gave a little laugh. "Shane I have a daughter now and I'm not going to just abandon her so I can go talk to some guy."

"He's not at the hotel right now is he?"

"Nope, he's working." We looked at each other and started laughing.

"Now seriously Kay I'll take Geannie back to my room tonight and you go talk to Dwayne. You need to forgive yourself of some of this. It was one small mistake that snowballed into something larger. You need to let go of some of the guilt. You are a great woman and deserve nothing more than to be happy."

"But Shane I've done so much wrong in the past. I don't deserve someone as good as him." I got quiet and dropped my head. "Why I ever thought that I deserved him in the first place I'll never know." The feelings of inferiority and inadequacy came creeping back over me. I hadn't felt this low or ashamed of myself since I had started wrestling. It was the one place in life where I could show my strength, my passion, my determination. Now here I was again feeling as if I deserved to be alone and miserable because of a few words from Jeff.

"Kayla none of that is true you hear me?" Shane's voice was stern but so gentle that it brought me to tears. It was this side of Shane; his love and genuine concern for me that led to me having our baby. "Now listen to me I'm going to stay here with that little butterball a bit longer and you are going to go and find Dwayne sit down and tell him everything that is in that head of yours."

"I have a show to do tonight Shane I can't sit with Dwayne for hours."

"Kayla stop making excuses. You and Dwayne belong together and your feelings for him are no less than a sign of that."

I smiled and kissed Shane on the cheek. "I'm going to talk to him tonight. You can take little butterball there to your room after the show is over; until then I am hers and no one else's."

I avoided Dwayne during the show simply because I couldn't keep a clear mind looking at him. His smile made me weak and if would have kissed me again I would have gone into a fog.

"Kay wait up!" I spun around to see Dwayne rushing up to me. "I've been looking for you all night. Where have you been?"

"Avoiding you," I told him truthfully. "It's not how you think Dwayne." I told him seeing his facial expression. I smiled as I saw confusion break over his face. "I couldn't risk getting distracted by you. I've been thinking about what happened earlier all day long and I needed to stay focused."

"But you could've- "

"Trust me Dwayne tonight I would not have been able to do that. I needed to focus on my job that's all."

"O.k. so where's my little pebble?" He said changing the subject still not sure if what I had said was a good thing or bad thing.

"Shane is keeping her tonight."

"But I thought she was back to be with you."

"She is, we both just figured that it was best if he took her so you and I could talk without interruption."

"So you meant what you said about talking to me about all this all tonight."

"Yes I did." I grabbed his hand and walked out of the arena with his hand holding tightly to mine.

"Do you want to grab any food or anything?" I asked him when we were sitting in my hotel room.

"No thanks I'm fine." I could feel his nerves and knew that he wanted me to sit down and tell him everything as soon as I put my bag down.

"You want me to tell you what's up with me lately don't you?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," he said flashing a smile at me. I smiled back at him and sat down on the couch next to him.

"Alright you want the truth here it is; I haven't started a relationship with you because I've been holding onto Jeff. Well not so much Jeff as the guilt of hurting him. I thought that if I could show him that I didn't just run off with you that he meant something to me and we could get back to the friendship that I loved so much. So much of me loves him, just not the way that he wants to be loved. I still feel so horrible about everything that I did to you and that I did to him." I stopped talking and hung my head. Here we go again, I came here tonight to talk to him about everything and tell him how I feel and I freeze up again. Why was it so hard for me to tell him something that I have told him hundreds of times before?

"Kayla there is nothing that you have done to me that wasn't anything that I didn't deserve."

"No Rocky that's not true. You don't deserve any of this. I'm sorry I don't know why I am doing this. Maybe you should go." The doubts screamed in my head, the guilt was the only reason why my heart was still beating.

"I'm not going anywhere. You told me you loved me before said that you always will. Now some people may be happy with just that but I want you Kay. I want to hold you and spend nights with you. I even want to raise that little girl with you."

"I can't do this, this isn't going to work. Rocky just leave. You don't want any part of me."

"Kay since when is that true?"

"I hurt people Dwayne!" I yelled before I could stop it from coming out. "That's all I do. I hurt everyone that I'm around. That's why I left home so early. All I do is hurt people. I am not going to put you through that again Dwayne."

There was nothing that he could say to me. Guilt had been building inside of me for years without a safe place to put it. Now here it was in front of Dwayne who had no real knowledge of how to handle any of it except the best way he knew how.

He grabbed me and kissed me. There was never as much love or longing as there was in that kiss. He wiped the tears that had started falling down my face. "I'm not going to leave you Kayla. What happened was a terrible thing with a lot of people getting hurt but I'm not going to let it ruin the rest of our lives. I can see that you are afraid to hurt me; but it's more hurtful when you don't tell me the things that you really feel. I don't want to talk about guilt or sadness. I want you to sit here and tell me that you love me."

I looked at him in awe. Couldn't he see how hard this was on me? If I told him that I'd be setting us both up for pain. "What if I can't?"

"I know that you can it's just a matter of if you really want to." He answered without taking his arms off of me. "Just tell me that you want to start seeing me again."

I pushed myself back from him. "You don't understand Dwayne; I have a lot that still needs to be worked out. There's a big part of me that still feels guilty. I think it's best if you leave."

"Kayla," as soft as his voice was there was so much determination in what he said to me. "I am going no where. All you have to do is tell me the truth baby. I'm not looking for anything more than that right now. All I want this very second is you, now what do you want?"

I leaned against his chest and sniffed his cologne. Everything about him smelled so good and felt so right. "I want you back Dwayne. It's all that I've been thinking about all day."

"And here I am, and trust me darling I'm not going anywhere." He laid back so that I could lean on him. "I know everything that you're afraid of and you don't have to be afraid. I'll be right here to take care of you always. You'll always be in my arms."

I lay on his broad chest hoping with everything that I had that he was right; and that I wasn't going to screw up all over again.


	6. Redemption 6

True enough to his word Dwayne was still there holding me tight when I woke up. I smiled and sat up looking at the time. Shane had things to do and needed to leave Geannie with me early in the morning. I didn't think it was the best idea to have Dwayne still asleep in bed when a little two year old began to jump on him.

I stared at him sleep for a few minutes before waking him up.

"Watching me sleep again?" He asked groggily. God his voice in the morning was always so deep and sexy.

"I wish I could say yes but I really do need you to wake up."

"Why? What did I do that you have to punish me by waking me up early?"

I laughed and shoved him a bit, well really how much do you think I could push someone as big and built as Rocky? "Very funny, Geannie is going to be here soon and I think it best that you aren't still lying around in bed."

"Pebble is coming by? I didn't think that I would get to see her tonight." He smiled and his face lit up. "One day Kay I'm going to put a ring on that finger and we're going to have one of our own."

"Slow down there big fella. One step at a time," I gave him a little kiss and climbed out of bed.

"But don't you think that Pebble needs a play mate?"

"Dwayne when and IF I am ready to have another baby I will let you know." I said getting a bit testy. I know that the two of us have had an on again off again relationship for years but I wasn't ready to leave wrestling again. I wanted to make the most of my time.

"Hey I didn't mean anything by it I got a little carried away is all." He walked up behind me and hugged me. "I'm sorry. I know it's your career and your time off not mine. You love what you do and I will never try to take you away from that."

How was this man so freaking perfect? I thought to myself. God he is absolutely everything that a woman can possibly want.

"How do you do it Rocky? You always were able to read my mind."

"It's a gift." He stepped away and grabbed his things. "I'm going to clean up before Pebble gets here."

"Okay just make it quick because she's going to come very soon."

He nodded and I laughed to myself. He was never quick with getting ready. I could be ready and looking my best in half the time that it took him to pick a shirt and pants and fix his hair. Men say that women are the worst with getting ready, but I don't see how that is possible seeing as how we women wait around for the man to be ready. And then when they see us sitting there they ask if we are ready. Duh why else would I be sitting here twiddling my thumbs if I weren't ready?

And true enough to form I sat there dressed and ready for the day for a full twenty minutes before Dwayne stepped out of the bathroom asking what non the less. "So are you ready?"

It took all of my energy not to burst out laughing. I simply smiled and nodded.

"So where's the Pebble?"

"She should be here in about five minutes." As I finished the sentence when there was a knock on the door. "Well speak of the pebble she's a bit early."

It never occurred to me that it would be someone else knocking on my door at eight in the morning. Anyone who knew me knew that I was barely functional before ten.

"Butter- " I stopped dead in my tracks staring into the face of Jeff. "Oh Jeff I didn't exactly expect you to be here."

"I see that. I'm sorry if I was interrupting anything."

"No I was just expecting it to be Shane with Geannie is all." I turned to look into the room. I didn't know what Jeff was here for but I knew that taking him inside the room would be a very bad idea.

"This is a bad time isn't it?" He sighed. "I know things went badly between us and I'm sorry about that. But we're going to have to learn how to work together aren't we? I just thought we could take a bit of time today and try to work on not screaming every time we see each other."

"I'd like to Jeff but today isn't a good day."

"I know that this isn't exactly what you want. But I am here trying to say I'm sorry."

I glanced back into the room once more. I was becoming nervous, what would he say if he saw Dwayne? What would Dwayne say if he saw Jeff? What would I say to either of them?

"I understand that and we'll talk but I'm really just trying to wait for my daughter. I don't want to get into anything right now."

"Well if this is a bad time then when would be good for you?"

Before I could open my mouth to answer his question I heard Dwayne start talking. "Hey is that Pebble at the door? I can't wait to see her." I hung my head knowing that this would turn out badly and saw Dwayne walk up to me. "You certainly are taking a while at the door." He stopped in front of the door and crashed straight into me. The sight of Jeff at the door so early in the morning was not something that neither he nor I were prepared to deal with in the slightest bit. "Oh," was all that he could manage to say.

"Waiting for your daughter huh?" Jeff asked looking at me skeptically and at Dwayne with disdain.

"Yes Jeff I am waiting for her," that was the one button that nobody pushed. Sure I made a stupid mistake two years ago but I took up for it. I had become a fine mother and that was the one thing that I was proud of most. "Shane should be by any moment not that it is any of your business." And it was at that moment that I heard Shane walking down the hall chattering with our daughter. "And there they are. Now is there anything else that you would like?"

"I- I'm- " He was too distracted staring at Geannie bouncing down the hall.

"I didn't think so. Say what you want about me Jeff but make no mistake you may never say a single word about me or my family." I stepped around him to grab Geannie. Dwayne who had stayed silent the entire time walked around Jeff as well and stepped into the hallway with me.

"Rocky!" Geannie squealed running into his arms.

"Oh my little Pebble, I missed you. Did you miss me?"

"Yeah. Rocky play with me."

"Ok Pebble Rocky will play with you. But first say hi to mommy," he said smiling and turning her towards me.

"Hi Mommy," she said waving her pudgy hand.

"Hi baby, I missed you."

"Wanna go play."

"Ok my little butterball. Go and play with Rocky."

Dwayne took Geannie back inside giving Jeff an extremely dirty look on the way in.

"You can leave now Jeff." I said to him after I had talked to Shane about how the day would go and how the night went.

"I'm sorry Kay, I just saw- "

"I know what you saw Jeff, what you'll always see. I'm not a slut, and I'm certainly not a slut who uses her little girl as an excuse to keep someone out of her hotel room."

"I didn't say that Kayla."

"Oh but it was written all over you Jeff."

"I was just thrown for a loop. You said that you and Dwayne weren't involved with each other."

"For the longest time we weren't and now we are. Again, not your business."

"She really loves him doesn't she?"

"Yes Jeff they love each other. He's been there for her every step of the way."

"Pebble? What's with Pebble?"

"What's with these questions Jeff?" I was past annoyed at this point.

"I was just asking. Curious."

"More like jealous." I said raising my eyebrows.

"What do you expect from me Kay? I can't just check my feelings at the door."

"Jeff I told you that I don't want to do this today."

"You don't really have a chance Kay, the new team extreme is going to begin in a week and we need to work on story lines and how we'll work together. We need to resolve this."

"Jeff not today, especially not now."

"Kay I should be allowed to spend some time with that little girl. I was there for her for the first few months of her life."

"And that means what Jeff? Dwayne has been there for two years no matter what. Shane has been there, any one else you could think of has been there. But you haven't been. She doesn't know you from a hole in the wall I owe you nothing."

"You owe me time!" He yelled at me. "You owe me enough time to tell you what I really want to tell you."

"And what would that be Jeff?"

"I still love you Kayla! I still love you," he said getting quieter.

"Well you have a funny way of showing that Jeff. I have to go."

"You have to go to him don't you? You're running off to him just like you did before. You're no different."

"Jeff you no nothing about me anymore, and I am going to see my daughter."

"Kay please don't go. God I don't know what is wrong with me I just know that when I see you I see everything that happened."

"And every time I look at you I see the back of you walking away. There are bad memories between us Jeff and that won't change. But will change is the fact that I am moving past it. I don't care anymore Jeff. I'll work with you just fine as long as you don't try to start anything."

"You're the one that started everything. It was because of what you did that things are the way they are. It was because you couldn't keep your legs closed- "

I smacked him once more. "Keep it up Jeff Hardy see what happens next."

I hadn't noticed but Dwayne was right behind me. He had been listening to our conversation slowly seething with anger. He knew that I struggled with myself over everything and now he knew why.

"You son of a- " He charged Jeff slamming him into the hallway digging his fists into Jeff's abdomen over and over.

"Dwayne!" I screamed running over to him. "God Dwayne stop!"


	7. Redemption 7

It had been two years since I said good bye to Jeff at the airport. Two years since I had to watch my best friend walk out of my life. It has also been two years since I have been able to hold a decent conversation with him. All my phones calls were ignored; and any messages that I could send to him seemed to go unanswered. More than anything I wanted to know that he was doing alright. I wanted to know that he was healing and mending from the heart ache that I had caused him.

It had taken me three months to get any news out of his brother and only confident. Three months to find out that Jeff was not sure if he would ever be back again. My heart broke that night and it hasn't stopped breaking since. I try to live day by day without falling apart. I try to remember that I have a beautiful baby girl who needs me by her side to be her comfort and security. Even though most of my day is taken up when the lights go out I still find myself thinking of Jeff.

When he left I realized that I did love him and I know that I always will. The problem was and still is that I cannot love him the way that he needs and deserves to be loved. I had tried for months upon months to love Jeff as hard and passionate as he did me. Something seemed to always stand in the way; well maybe not something as much as someone. I know now that I should have let Jeff go sooner. Maybe if I had been honest with all of my feelings back then I could have saved a lot of people stress and heart ache. But hindsight is always perfect vision. How could anyone honestly always do the right thing at exactly the right moment? The truth was that I screwed up handling the feelings that I had between Dwayne and Jeff. I refused to admit what was real and true to save certain people pain. But by doing all of that I had thrown everyone I love into a whirlwind of pain and chaos.

"It's been months since we talked Kayla. You just walked away, why did you do that?" I heard Dwayne's voice in my head; Replaying the first conversation that we had after I left him at the airport.

"I had to Dwayne."

"You had to? I ask you to marry me and you walk away because you had to?" The anger and disbelief in his voice was evident enough. "Kayla I think that I deserve a bit more of an explanation than that. You have avoided me, my phone calls, letters, and messages for months. The least that you can do is explain why, the least you can do is that."

He was right I knew it the moment he said it. Dwayne was nothing but amazing to me the entire time that we knew each other. And I had walked away without so much as a word; then kept him running around for months trying to figure out a way to get me to talk to him.

"I was so angry Rocky. I was angry at you, me, at Jeff. I was angry that all of this happened, that I wasn't strong enough and smart enough to just admit to myself what I knew was true. Then you come out and propose. It was as if you didn't care that I just watched my friend walk out of my life."

"No Kayla it wasn't like that. If you had given me the chance to explain I could've told you that."

"I know I should've and I'm sorry that I didn't."

"So does this mean that maybe you'll be willing to- "

"Dwayne please don't do this." I had interrupted him. I knew exactly what he was going to do. He would ask me if we could become a couple again and put these last few horrible months behind us. But I didn't want to. I still wanted to cling to the hope that Jeff would be back. That he would look at me and tell me that the two of us were fine with each other. I knew that if I ran straight back to Dwayne then none of that could happen.

"Don't do what?"

"I just need time to be alone. I have Geannie now and she takes up a lot of time and energy. I really think what's best for me is to be with her right now."

Music hit in the background and I was pulled out of my reverie. Why was the Hardy's music going on now? Matt didn't have anything scheduled for RAW tonight.

Walking over to a t.v. so I could see what was going on the one thing that I was not prepared to see or hear was these two words. Jeff Hardy.

How can it be that no one tells me that he's coming back? I spend all my free time with no one but him on my mind. I had kept Dwayne at a safe distance all this time just to prove to Jeff that he was important to me and that I would sacrifice whatever I needed to repair our relationship.

"I know that it's a bit of a shock," a voice said behind me walking closer till he finally lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Matt why didn't you tell me that he was back?" Tears poured down my face no matter how hard I tried to stop them. "I'm sorry you probably think I'm crazy. I just didn't think that seeing him would hit me this hard."\

"You are the only one then. I didn't tell you because we all have jobs to do and if we just give up on that because of someone or something we lose sight of all that we worked so hard to achieve. I knew that you would lose sight of what you're working for."

"Do you think that he would?"

"Kay I hate to tell you but he's asked me to tell you not to see him." Matt finished my thought.

"Matt it's been two years though. Look at him he's just as good as ever." I said watching the monitor. It was true. No matter how long Jeff's absence was he captivated and motivated the fans just as much as ever. "I've missed him."

"And he's missed you Kayla. But he just isn't ready to see you, at least not tonight."

I nodded my head and walked back to my dressing room. I had a match in a few minutes and I knew that I couldn't break down. But I found it so hard to keep myself together. I had convinced myself such a long time ago that I finally let him go. I was even trying to get back to the point where Dwayne and I could be a couple again. Now here I sat wanting to cry and breakdown over simply seeing him.

My five minute warning came around and I cut off all thoughts of Jeff. If I had was going to be able to do my job and wow the crowd then I knew I would have to forget about the turmoil that I was in.

Although I went through my match with as much intensity as ever I was in a sheer daze. There is nothing about that night after seeing Jeff that I honestly remember.

Geannie was spending a few days with Shane at home to get a break from the road. This was the first time that I found myself thankful that there was no little smile, hug and laugh waiting for me at the end of the night. I wanted to stay in quiet and try with all my might to get a handle on these feelings that I had.

I made it to the hotel room without crying, running out on everyone who was expecting me to stick around for a bit. Once I was in my room I tried to sit down on the bed and think through some of the emotions that had crashed over me. My legs would not let me sit though, they wouldn't let me be still. I don't know how many times I sat down and stood back up. I paced the floor till I swore there was a groove starting to form in the carpet. No matter how hard I tried to control myself there was nothing I could do to calm my body down. There was a tidal wave of emotion that crushed me and caught me in its current. How could Jeff be back? Why wouldn't he want to talk to me? He is here somewhere; he was so close to me all night long without once deciding to see me. What began to bother and tug at me even more than Jeff's surprise return was why I had fallen apart the way that I did. I was more than glad to have him back. So why had I begun to cry and feel the need to run into his arms? Every sensible part of me knew that I didn't honestly love Jeff in the way that I wanted to convince myself. Why did I want to convince myself of that? My guilt over what I had done to Jeff was more than overwhelming on most days but I knew it wasn't why I was this way.

I began to believe that if I could just see and talk to Jeff just once then everything would be put to rest. Whether or not we would be friends was something that was irrelevant to me. Of course I wanted the friendship with him back; but more than that I wanted closure. I wanted a resolution to the horrible mess that I had created. If I had to throw myself at his feet and beg for days for his forgiveness I was ready to do that.

I grabbed my phone knowing what would happen, but knowing that I needed to do this no matter how bad the outcome.

"Hello," a voice said quietly and full of angst.

"Hi Jeff," I said hoping that he wouldn't hang up the phone. "Matt told me that you didn't really want to talk to me or see me."

"So then what are you doing calling me?"

"Actually I'm rather surprised that you picked up the phone." I heard Jeff sigh on the other end. "I'm sorry that I called and bothered you really I am. I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad your back. I am really, really glad to see you wrestling again."

There were a few moments of silence. I fought against myself to not say anything that I knew would be pointless and barely true. I had a habit of saying things out of nervousness that back fire on me too often.

"Thank you Kayla." He said finally. "I know that it was a big shock for you. Thanks for saying you wanted me back here."

"I can't believe you'd doubt that." I paused knowing that I was beginning to say something that would only hurt and upset Jeff no matter how I meant it. "I'll let you go then. I just wanted to tell you that I'm happy you're back."

I moved to hang up the phone and heard Jeff's voice. "Wait Kayla." He said in a rush. "Maybe we can get some lunch tomorrow. I'd like to see you and talk to you."

A rush of breath came out of me as relief washed over me. "I would love that Jeff really love that."

"Ok so then I'll see you tomorrow, say about noon?"

"That sounds great," I smiled knowing that I would see him again. "I'll see you tomorrow Jeff Hardy."

I woke up without any alarm or wake up call. I had found it hard to sleep that night. Seeing Jeff for the first time was something that was making me extremely nervous. I walked around the room not knowing what to do. The sun had barely risen and there was no one that I could call or talk to seeing as how it was so early.

"Come on Kayla," I said aloud. "This is not a big deal. He wants to talk that's all. It's been two years," I reminded myself. "If he didn't let go of this by now then he never will. And he obviously otherwise he wouldn't have asked to see me. And why am I talking to myself?"

I sighed and turned on the TV in the hotel room. Any other way that I could pass the time besides mumbling to myself like a crazy person was welcomed.

I finally gave up on passing the time and decided to get dressed and get myself some breakfast. I went down to the hotel restaurant and spent the better portion of the morning eating and snacking on anything that I could find and that was within reach.

"Kay," I heard an all too familiar voice call my name from behind me.

"Hey Rocky," I smiled trying to hide the sinking feeling that I had in my stomach.

"You are never up this early. What are you doing down here?"

"I really couldn't sleep all that well so I finally decided to give up and get myself some food."

"Then you're nervous about something," he said looking at me. I smiled trying to tell him nothing was wrong. "Kayla I know you better than that. I can see right through that gorgeous smile of yours. Now tell me what's going on?"

"He's back Dwayne," I said quietly.

"Who's back?" Dwayne looked puzzled for a quick moment before he understood. "Oh Jeff, I know I heard yesterday. Is there something wrong with that?"

"No I'm so happy that he's back. It's just that- well never mind."

"Kayla do not do this. It's taken me two years to gain back your love and trust. You still refuse to admit that we are together. I spend every second I can with Geannie that she's two seconds away from calling me daddy. You do not have the right to shut me out not on this."

"I cried, I sobbed I broke down after seeing him. I don't know why I did. Maybe it was because Matt told me he didn't want to see me. I can't tell you why I did, but I cried. I'm still completely nervous and jittery."

"Are you having second thoughts about you and me?"

"No Dwayne don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that at all. What I am saying is that I felt so much more emotion at seeing him than I ever expected. I thought that I had given him up so long ago; then to feel like I am now. I just don't understand any of it."

"Kayla you're probably just worrying about the friendship between the two of you. I would be hurt too if he told me that he didn't want to see me after having so much history together."

I nodded my head and tried to find the best way to tell Dwayne what I knew would upset him.

"You still seem a bit worried." He said looking at my face.

"I'm going to see him this afternoon," I said watching his face drop a bit.

"You mean you and him are together?"

"No the two of us are getting together this afternoon to talk. He asked me to lunch and I said yes."

"Without asking me first?" Dwayne's voice began to get louder.

"Dwayne I don't have to answer to you for anything."

"Only because you keep it that way! For two years you have kept me only so close for Jeff! How much more of this do I have to take Kayla?"

I began to tear. I knew that he was right. "I'm sorry Dwayne, I know I've- it's just- I don't know if I can- "

"If you can love me," he said getting quiet and putting his head in his hands. "I knew it was just a matter of time before you said it."

"No, that's not it at all, I don't know if I can be someone's wife. I know what you want from me Dwayne I just don't know if I can give it."

Dwayne looked up smiling at me.

"What? I don't know what is so funny about what I just said."

"Nothing Kayla, there's nothing funny. But trust me baby, when you decide to marry you will be a wonderful wife and make someone extremely happy. I just hope that that one someone will be me."

He took my hand into his and I felt myself relax. No matter what the situation was one touch or word from that man and my spirit began to feel more at ease. I looked at his big hands and stroked them with my free hand. "Thank you Dwayne."

"You're welcome. I hope that you enjoy your lunch with Jeff and that you put behind you whatever it is that it stopping us from being together." He gently kissed my hands and stood up. "Call me later," he said walking away.

I watched him walk away wishing that I could say something more to him. Wishing that I could tell him all the things that he wanted to hear. It seemed like every time I went to open my mouth I would begin to mouth the words and somehow lose my voice. I sat at that table for the next couple hours thinking about what Dwayne had said and what things with Jeff would be like.

I was lost in thoughts without any realization of how fast time was passing by. It wasn't until I saw Jeff's face that I began to feel all of my nerves come back.

"Hi Kayla," Jeff said walking up to the table. "Been a long time."

I stood up and pulled him into a hug. I was nervous and anxious but mostly happy at the fact that he was standing in front of me. "Don't you ever do that to me again Jeff Hardy; I need you in my life. I'm so happy that you're back." I clung to his shirt and took in his scent letting his shirt absorb whatever tears I was shedding.

"I know Kay, I'm happy I'm back too. I missed you everyday that I was gone," he whispered in my ear.

"Come on sit down." I said finally letting go of him. "We've got some things that we need to talk about."

"Yes there are, but first I want to know about that beautiful little girl of yours. Matt has told me such great things about her."

"I didn't know that Matt was telling you about her." I said surprised.

"I asked about you and her all the time. I'm surprised that she's not here with you."

"No she's with Shane for a few days taking a break from the road."

"She probably won't remember me will she?" Jeff asked a bit sad.

"No but I would love for you to get to know her now. She's gorgeous and smart and funny."

"Sounds just like mommy. Can I see her again once you're with her again?" he asked a bit nervously.

"Of course you can Jeff. I was so upset when you left that she would never get to know such a great man."

Jeff smiled nervously at me. "Is it strange that I am still so nervous about seeing you?"

"I'm just glad I'm not the only one."

We laughed together knowing that although things weren't healed between us we could at least be around each other without fighting or tears.

That night Vince called Matt, Jeff and I into his office. All three of us where very confused as to what was going to happen. In this industry too many things can happen in the blink of an eye.

"I'm glad to see that the two of you are speaking to one another again," Matt said trying to break the tension.

"Thanks Matt," I said to him with a smile. "Nothing like bringing up an awkward situation to help an awkward situation," I told him.

"I had to think of something to say, its way too quiet right now."

"I guess that no one really knows what to say. I mean how many times have you been in the boss's office that you actually liked it?" Jeff said looking a bit nervous.

"I can't think of maybe more than two or three times." I said agreeing with Jeff.

"I hate to see that it's such displeasure to be sitting in my office Kayla," Vince said as he walked in.

"Oh hi Vince," I said awkwardly. "I didn't mean anything by it, it's just no one really likes being called into the big man's office."

"Not even you?" he asked looking at me with a bit of a smile.

"Vince you know I love seeing you, but when it's business it's not always pleasant. You do things because they are smart not because you are trying to please any of your employees." I said smiling back at him.

"You are very right my dear, and to keep in the spirit of business I would like to tell all three of you what you are doing here." He paused looking all three of us in the eye. "I'm glad that you decided to come back Jeff. I have big plans to make you bigger than you were before if you feel you are up to it."

"I would be more than honored sir. I'm more determined than ever before."

"Good to hear that. Now what I wanted to talk to you three about is this; with RAW and Smackdown being split up into two different shows with different superstars there is a problem. Matt you are on Smackdown right now are you not?" Matt nodded his head. "O.k. now Jeff you came back to sign on to RAW." This time Jeff nodded. "And you my darling Kayla are my main diva here on RAW." I nodded. "What I am hoping for is this; a team extreme revival."

All three of us looked at Vince with a disbelieving face on. It had always been a plan to put me with Matt and Jeff Hardy but all of that got side tracked once Jeff took his leave.

"I have been getting e-mails and suggestions telling us that they want the Hardy Boys and Team Extreme back. I can think of no better person to replace Lita than Kayla."

"Vince I would be more than honored." I said. "Oh but only if it's ok with Matt and Jeff of course," I said right after. I knew that Team Extreme was something very close to the hearts of Matt and Jeff. No matter what had happened between Amy and I in the past she was the original woman that went with them. There would always be a certain association between her and the Hardy's.

"No matter what they decide or how they feel about it; it is something that is already in the works. It will be a major ratings draw." Vince said.

"I'm all for it Vince," Matt said. "Thank you for putting back on RAW." Matt got up and shook Vince's hand. "If there's anything else I have a match that I need to get ready for."

"You're more than welcome Matt you earned your place back. I'll be giving you more details as they get worked out." Vince said giving Matt an o.k. to leave.

Jeff stayed surprisingly quiet the entire time we were in the office.

"I just want to keep the two of you a minute longer," Vince said motioning for Jeff and I to sit back down. "It's more on a personal level than a business one. Now I know that there is a bit of tension between the two of you. Now let me get one thing clear; I am not all that happy on the way you left Jeff, especially not with what it did to Kayla. I need the two of you to work very closely and make it seem as if the two of you are once more back to where you were in that ring. I know that it is going to be hard for the both of you which is why I am asking you as a personal favor before demanding it that the both of you spend some time together and work all this out. If this reunion is going to work I need the two of you comfortable around each other."

Neither Jeff nor I knew exactly what to say. We had no real idea how obvious it was that two of us weren't the duo that we used to be. Until then we didn't know that you could see tension written all over us from a mile away.

"Go take the night and think about it. But remember that this is going to happen." Vince said giving us an o.k. to leave.

I didn't say a word to Jeff until we left the office.

"Would you like to tell me exactly what that was about back there?" I asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"Jeff you didn't say a word about me being with you guys again, you just sat there like you had gone dumb."

"I'm sorry Kayla," he looked down and said nothing. "I have to go I've got things to work out for my next match."  
"Jeff you cannot walk out on me again." I ran after him. "Why do you keep doing this?"

"What do you want me to say Kay?" he asked turning around and facing me. "Here's the truth I don't want you in team extreme. I don't want to see you everyday or have to work with you in the ring."

I stepped back from him and worked hard to not cry. "So all that stuff about Geannie? About wanting to see her and spend time with her?"

"All that was true, she was a gorgeous baby and I've always felt attached to her."

"Attached to her?" I decided if he were going to unleash some anger on me I would do the same to him. "Let me tell you something Jeff Hardy; no matter how great you want to make yourself look you don't know anything about being attached. If you were attached to that girl you would not have walked out like that. I needed you Jeff I told you as much and you walked out of MY life. Don't you look at me and blame all this on me. I tried so hard to call you and fix things. Two years, TWO YEARS!" I yelled at him.

"I left because of you!" he yelled back at me. "Do you remember that? Oh Jeff I love you so much oh wait I just made out with Dwayne downstairs while you were taking care of my baby!"

"It was one kiss Jeff one silly little kiss. I never once got a chance to apologize or explain myself. Maybe if you would've given me that instead of calling me a heartless slut and running away- "

"I'm not doing this right now. I don't know what made me think that I could see you again." Jeff said turning his back on me.

"That's right Jeff run away again it's what you do best. Things get rough and you buckle. I went for the wrong brother when I went with you. You are nothing but a boy." I spat out of anger. "I walked out on Dwayne for you; does that make you happy? I refused to commit to an honest relationship with him so that if you came back you would know how much you mean to me. If this is how you want to play it Jeff than fine but here is the truth about you; you abandoned me because I made one mistake. You are the one that cannot grasp the true meaning of love. Any time you do see it you run in the other direction like a coward.

"At least I am not a two timing whore who leads men on to believe things that can never be true. And in my opinion I did Rocky a favor. After all that you put him through I'm surprised he can still stomach the sight of you. You deserve to be alone."

It was at that point that my anger rose to a level I could not control. I walked straight up to him and slapped him causing his lip to start bleeding.

"If you did have a heart Jeff Hardy you would know that I have felt nothing but regret and guilt over this entire thing. But now, well now I'm just angry." I threw my hands in the air. "I'm done crying over you. You were right it was a mistake to see each other and it was a mistake for you to come back. You should have stayed gone as far as I'm concerned. Stay away from me and Geannie you don't deserve to know us."

I turned my back on him and walked away. Team Extreme may have been getting back together but Jeff and I were definitely not ready to have any sort of real relationship.

As tears began to well up in my eyes I grabbed my phone and called the one person that could calm me down no matter what the situation.

"I need to see you is it o.k. if I come over?" I asked

"Of course it is but what happened?"

"I'll explain when I get there." I hung up the phone and hopped in my car speeding off as fast as I could trying to get as far away from what had just happened as possible.

"Dwayne," I said falling into his arms as he opened the hotel room door.

"Kayla what happened to you?" he asked folding his large arms around me.

"Jeff," I said to him before I started crying. "The things that he said to me Rocky; they were horrible."

"Oh sweetie I am so sorry." He kissed the top of my head. "Sit down and tell me what happened."

"Right now that doesn't matter; I just want you to hold me." I said laying my head on his large chest.

"Anything for you Kay."

"Dwayne do I deserve to be alone?" I asked him.

"What?"

"Do I deserve to be alone?"

"Kayla darling look at me," he lifted my head up so he could see my face. "There is no way that you deserve to be alone."

"Even with everything that I've done?"

"You've made your share of mistakes but there is more good in you than most people. You are an amazing woman and an amazing mother. No one on this earth deserves to be loved more than you."

I smiled at him feeling a little better inside.

"There's something that I have to do Kayla," Dwayne said to me.

"What? Do you have to leave?" I asked worried. I felt safe and loved in his arms and there was no place else that I wanted to be.

"No I don't have to leave," I looked at him puzzled. He gave a bit of a smile as he leaned in and kissed me.

"What was that for?" I asked him.

"Don't try to analyze; just go with it." He told me giving me another kiss.

"O.k." I whispered giving a slight moan of delight.

I woke up early the next morning looking at Dwayne sleeping next to me. It was such a new and yet familiar feeling to see his face right beside mine. True to his word he had not moved an inch all night long. I never left his arms the entire night.

The kisses that we had shared were all that had happened that night. He knew that trying to make anything more happen would have been a bad idea. It felt amazing to have his lips pressed against mine once more. It was something that I had stopped him from doing for two years. Now that it had happened I knew that I didn't want it to stop. I wanted to be able to run to Dwayne and get a kiss from him whenever possible. I smiled thinking that if I had him the rest of my life I would have all that I needed. Between him and my beautiful girl there was nothing more that I could want in my life no matter happened.

"Why are you watching me sleep?" he asked me opening his eyes.

"How did you know that I was doing that?"

"You used to do that all the time when we were together. Some things never change."

"How do you even remember things like that?"

He rolled over onto his side to face me using his arm to prop himself up. "I remember everything about our time together. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think to myself if I hadn't behaved the way I did when Steve found out about us that Geannie would my instead of Shane's."

"Rocky I never knew that you thought that."

"Why do you think I play with her so much? I love her so much and I feel like in some weird way she's the last link that I have to you." He managed a small smile to try and lessen the seriousness of what he had just said.

"Dwayne you will always be a part of my life. There will never be a time when I won't be around you."

"That isn't what I mean Kay and you know it."

I sighed. I don't know why but it was so hard to tell him what I wanted to. I wanted to tell him that I have loved him for all these years and that there was nothing that changed that. But when I went to tell him I flashed back to those months when I cried myself to sleep. When I sat by myself in the dark because of the things that I had done. It had nothing to do with what Dwayne had done. He was absolutely perfect; he always was. I was more than positive though that I would once more hurt him. I could never put him through that again. He was such an amazing person and there was no reason on earth why he should have to stay close to me only to get burned by the flames of my confusion.

I knew that I had no more feelings for Jeff that were holding me back but maybe Jeff did have a point. Maybe there was something to him saying that I deserved to be alone. Maybe it wasn't that I really deserved it but maybe I was better off being alone. At least this way I wasn't causing pain to the people I truly loved.

"Kayla what are you thinking about?"

"Nothing really," I lied. I was hurting and torn inside. I wanted to put faith in him that he wouldn't leave; but more than that I wanted to have faith in myself that I could keep Dwayne happy without destroying him again. "I have to get going. Shane is bringing my little butterball back early and I told him I would be at the airport to give them a ride."

"Well you must be happy that she's back."

"Oh of course I am. But it's good for her to get off the road every so often and have a permanent place to rest her head."

"I'm sure that you'll give that to her when she honestly needs it."

"Why do you have such trust and faith in me?" I asked him.

"Because you always do what needs to get done and you always stay true to what you think is the right thing to do. I know that first hand, I mean look at me; you left me because you said it was for the best."

"O.k. I get your point." He smiled at him and crawled out of the bed.

"Do you really have to leave?"

"Yes I really have to leave. You could always come with me. You know how much Geannie doll loves you."

"I love that little pebble just as much as she loves me." Pebble was the nickname he had given to her once she began to call him Rock.

"You really have to stop trying to make her into a miniature you." I said with a laugh. The two together could get lost in their old world of laughter and play. How could I not stand in front of him and think that this handsome well built man is the perfect thing for me? There was never a moment when he didn't take my little girl in as his own or turn his back on me no matter what had happened.

"I'm not trying to turn her into me I'm trying to turn her into you."

"Very funny," I said hitting him with a pillow. "Would you like to come with me or not?"

"I'd love to, really love to but unfortunately I've got a few business things that I have to do this afternoon."

"So are you going to lie about in bed until then?"

"I was thinking about it." He laughed and sat up. "I'll probably hit the gym for a bit before I get going. Call me when you get back and make sure that I get to see my Pebble."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I made sure that I had all of my things and began to head for the door. "I want to talk to you Rocky, just you and I." I said with my hand on the doorknob. If anything was going to be fixed between us then I needed to be the one to step up to the plate this time. My heart raced and pounded till it felt like it was taking on a life of its own and trying to escape from my chest.

"You mean like right now?"

"No not now I really do have to leave. Maybe tonight if you can."

"Kay you look nervous, why do you look nervous?"

"Let's just leave it for tonight." I smiled at him.

"I love that smile."

"And I love you," I said unable to stop myself. I had blurted it out before I even knew what I was saying.

Dwayne was on his feet and standing by my side in one swift and fast move.

"Kay did you just say- did you mean- what- I've been- "

"Dwayne you are babbling. It just kind of come out of me," I panicked and looked away from him. Any time that I was close to tell Dwayne how I felt I saw all the times that I had broken his heart and brought tears to his eyes. "I have to go."

"Kayla don't leave now. I'm sure that you have time to at least talk to me." He took my hand slowly off the doorknob and turned me around forcing me to look at him. "Baby talk to me, say something. Tell me that you mean it; it's all that I've been waiting for all these years."

I looked at his face seeing nothing but happiness and expectations. What was I going to tell him? The truth would take more than the five minutes I had to spare to explain. "I'll call you later and we'll talk about it alright?"

Dwayne's face dropped and it was more than evident that he was disappointed. "But- "

"Rocky it's more complicated than those three simple words and you know it." I hugged him and kissed his cheek. "I'll talk to you tonight if you can find the time. And Dwayne just so you know I will always mean it. I have always and will always love you."

"Then stay a bit longer with me. Come back into bed and we'll stay there all day sharing whatever it is we need to share. Let me hold you Kay."

In his voice was the need and desperation to have me back again. I could feel every bit of despair and hope that was mixed into him as he clung to me at that door.

"I have a baby that I have to take care of and this just isn't going to work." I wasn't talking about Dwayne and I in particular I was only talking about all the contradictions that I was feeling.

"What?"

"Nothing Dwayne, we'll talk tonight alright?"

"You're doing it again, you're shutting me out."

"No I'm trying to leave the best way I know how. I have a baby now Rocky my life isn't just my own. I will find you tonight no matter what."

He reluctantly let me go and I ran out of the door before I broke down in front of him.

No matter how angry I was at Jeff for saying the things he did to me I could not get his words out of my head. I did deserve to be alone, I was convinced of that much.

Nothing brought my spirits up more than seeing Shane stepping off the plane with my most important treasure. She would be three soon enough. She was too smart for her own good and so pretty that she could melt your heart with one single glance. She walked closely to her daddy grabbing his hand and trying to play with him the whole time. Her curly hair danced around as Shane lifted her up and down making her laugh hysterically.

"Mommy," she called out the moment that she saw me. Shane let go of her hand so that she could run straight into my arms.

"Hi my little butterball, mommy missed you so much." I grabbed her and spun her around while kissing her making her laugh once more.

"You seem excited to have her back," Shane said walking up to me and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"You know how I hate to be away from her." I said smiling at her. "Mommy loves Geannie right?"

"Uh huh," she said to me. For two she was very smart and could answer most simple questions but full conversations were still quite a while away.

"And does Geannie love mommy?"

"I love mommy," she said smiling and wrapping her small arms around me.

"She didn't do too well on the plane ride today; I think that she's beginning to get a bit motion sick." Shane said staring at his daughter. She had taken on so much of the McMahon look but I was happy enough to stay that there was still some of me that you could see in her. "I didn't let her eat on the plane we wouldn't her getting a tummy ache right sweetness? So she'll need lunch and putting her down for bed early would be a good idea she didn't want to nap on the way here."

To say that Shane had stepped up to the role of father because he needed to would be an injustice to him. He had stepped up because he genuinely wanted to. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for either me or Geannie. The love that he had for her was so great and pure I never imagined that he would be as great as a father to her as he was, and still is.

"Whatever daddy says right? Because daddy knows what this little butterball needs. So let's say we get some chicken nuggets huh?"

"O.k."

"Shane would you like to join us?" I asked him seeing his reluctance to leave her side.

"Sure that would be great."

"So did you have fun with Daddy?" I asked Geannie as we walked to my car.

"Yes."

"Well that's good. But Mommy hates letting you go. I want you all to myself." I grabbed her and tickled her stomach to her delight.

Shane laughed a bit and stared at me for a moment. "Shane you're staring." I told him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just that you've become a great mother."

"Well you've become a great father." I said smiling and taking his arm. "Come on Dad let's go get some lunch." I said smiling at him.

So much seemed right when I was with Shane and Geannie. Had I loved Shane and had he loved me back my life could have been a fairytale from then on. But when has anyone in life known a fairytale? Oh sure we've dreamt of the princess ending and some might have even lived it; but no one ever starts out with the wonderful fairytale life the lucky just end up there.

"Kay you're looking a bit tense and stressed out, is there anything going on that I should know about?" Shane asked as we watched Geannie run around a park.

"I'm fine just got a few things on my mind is all."

"Would you like me to take Geannie for a few more days? I can take- "

"No," I exclaimed taking Shane aback. "Sorry I didn't mean it like that it's just that she just got back and I don't want you thinking that you need to keep her off the road. She loves to travel with us you know that."

"I know that she does but it only adds to the stress Kay and if you need a break- "

"He's back Shane." I spit out quickly. "He's back and I just told Dwayne that I love him and I don't know what to do because if I were smart than I would just stay alone and live my life out with Geannie and you." I talked so fast and said so much that Shane stared at me for a few minutes before saying anything.

"Jeff is back?" I nodded my head. "Have you talked to him at all?" I nodded my head again. "How'd it go?"

"Oh well he told me I deserved to be alone, he called me a two timing whore I think it was and blamed everything on me. And I called him a coward and told him that he should've stayed gone and that he knows nothing about real love."

"Sounds like it went smoothly," Shane said sarcastically with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah I'll put it up there with having sulfuric acid being poured all over my body," I said laughing as well.

"And because of what Jeff said to you, you are going to let that interfere with your relationship with Dwayne," I shrugged. "Whom you love more than anyone," I nodded. "And who loves your daughter and wants to spend the rest of his life with you." I nodded. "Why?"

"Because," I paused. "There's some truth to it Shane. I've hurt Dwayne a lot and I don't want to do that again."

"I think that it's his call to make not yours all on your own. If you were any kind of smart and I know that you are; you would run to that man right now and tell him how you really feel without hesitation and without holding anything back."

I smiled and gave a little laugh. "Shane I have a daughter now and I'm not going to just abandon her so I can go talk to some guy."

"He's not at the hotel right now is he?"

"Nope, he's working." We looked at each other and started laughing.

"Now seriously Kay I'll take Geannie back to my room tonight and you go talk to Dwayne. You need to forgive yourself of some of this. It was one small mistake that snowballed into something larger. You need to let go of some of the guilt. You are a great woman and deserve nothing more than to be happy."

"But Shane I've done so much wrong in the past. I don't deserve someone as good as him." I got quiet and dropped my head. "Why I ever thought that I deserved him in the first place I'll never know." The feelings of inferiority and inadequacy came creeping back over me. I hadn't felt this low or ashamed of myself since I had started wrestling. It was the one place in life where I could show my strength, my passion, my determination. Now here I was again feeling as if I deserved to be alone and miserable because of a few words from Jeff.

"Kayla none of that is true you hear me?" Shane's voice was stern but so gentle that it brought me to tears. It was this side of Shane; his love and genuine concern for me that led to me having our baby. "Now listen to me I'm going to stay here with that little butterball a bit longer and you are going to go and find Dwayne sit down and tell him everything that is in that head of yours."

"I have a show to do tonight Shane I can't sit with Dwayne for hours."

"Kayla stop making excuses. You and Dwayne belong together and your feelings for him are no less than a sign of that."

I smiled and kissed Shane on the cheek. "I'm going to talk to him tonight. You can take little butterball there to your room after the show is over; until then I am hers and no one else's."

I avoided Dwayne during the show simply because I couldn't keep a clear mind looking at him. His smile made me weak and if would have kissed me again I would have gone into a fog.

"Kay wait up!" I spun around to see Dwayne rushing up to me. "I've been looking for you all night. Where have you been?"

"Avoiding you," I told him truthfully. "It's not how you think Dwayne." I told him seeing his facial expression. I smiled as I saw confusion break over his face. "I couldn't risk getting distracted by you. I've been thinking about what happened earlier all day long and I needed to stay focused."

"But you could've- "

"Trust me Dwayne tonight I would not have been able to do that. I needed to focus on my job that's all."

"O.k. so where's my little pebble?" He said changing the subject still not sure if what I had said was a good thing or bad thing.

"Shane is keeping her tonight."

"But I thought she was back to be with you."

"She is, we both just figured that it was best if he took her so you and I could talk without interruption."

"So you meant what you said about talking to me about all this all tonight."

"Yes I did." I grabbed his hand and walked out of the arena with his hand holding tightly to mine.

"Do you want to grab any food or anything?" I asked him when we were sitting in my hotel room.

"No thanks I'm fine." I could feel his nerves and knew that he wanted me to sit down and tell him everything as soon as I put my bag down.

"You want me to tell you what's up with me lately don't you?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," he said flashing a smile at me. I smiled back at him and sat down on the couch next to him.

"Alright you want the truth here it is; I haven't started a relationship with you because I've been holding onto Jeff. Well not so much Jeff as the guilt of hurting him. I thought that if I could show him that I didn't just run off with you that he meant something to me and we could get back to the friendship that I loved so much. So much of me loves him, just not the way that he wants to be loved. I still feel so horrible about everything that I did to you and that I did to him." I stopped talking and hung my head. Here we go again, I came here tonight to talk to him about everything and tell him how I feel and I freeze up again. Why was it so hard for me to tell him something that I have told him hundreds of times before?

"Kayla there is nothing that you have done to me that wasn't anything that I didn't deserve."

"No Rocky that's not true. You don't deserve any of this. I'm sorry I don't know why I am doing this. Maybe you should go." The doubts screamed in my head, the guilt was the only reason why my heart was still beating.

"I'm not going anywhere. You told me you loved me before said that you always will. Now some people may be happy with just that but I want you Kay. I want to hold you and spend nights with you. I even want to raise that little girl with you."

"I can't do this, this isn't going to work. Rocky just leave. You don't want any part of me."

"Kay since when is that true?"

"I hurt people Dwayne!" I yelled before I could stop it from coming out. "That's all I do. I hurt everyone that I'm around. That's why I left home so early. All I do is hurt people. I am not going to put you through that again Dwayne."

There was nothing that he could say to me. Guilt had been building inside of me for years without a safe place to put it. Now here it was in front of Dwayne who had no real knowledge of how to handle any of it except the best way he knew how.

He grabbed me and kissed me. There was never as much love or longing as there was in that kiss. He wiped the tears that had started falling down my face. "I'm not going to leave you Kayla. What happened was a terrible thing with a lot of people getting hurt but I'm not going to let it ruin the rest of our lives. I can see that you are afraid to hurt me; but it's more hurtful when you don't tell me the things that you really feel. I don't want to talk about guilt or sadness. I want you to sit here and tell me that you love me."

I looked at him in awe. Couldn't he see how hard this was on me? If I told him that I'd be setting us both up for pain. "What if I can't?"

"I know that you can it's just a matter of if you really want to." He answered without taking his arms off of me. "Just tell me that you want to start seeing me again."

I pushed myself back from him. "You don't understand Dwayne; I have a lot that still needs to be worked out. There's a big part of me that still feels guilty. I think it's best if you leave."

"Kayla," as soft as his voice was there was so much determination in what he said to me. "I am going no where. All you have to do is tell me the truth baby. I'm not looking for anything more than that right now. All I want this very second is you, now what do you want?"

I leaned against his chest and sniffed his cologne. Everything about him smelled so good and felt so right. "I want you back Dwayne. It's all that I've been thinking about all day."

"And here I am, and trust me darling I'm not going anywhere." He laid back so that I could lean on him. "I know everything that you're afraid of and you don't have to be afraid. I'll be right here to take care of you always. You'll always be in my arms."

I lay on his broad chest hoping with everything that I had that he was right; and that I wasn't going to screw up all over again.

True enough to his word Dwayne was still there holding me tight when I woke up. I smiled and sat up looking at the time. Shane had things to do and needed to leave Geannie with me early in the morning. I didn't think it was the best idea to have Dwayne still asleep in bed when a little two year old began to jump on him.

I stared at him sleep for a few minutes before waking him up.

"Watching me sleep again?" He asked groggily. God his voice in the morning was always so deep and sexy.

"I wish I could say yes but I really do need you to wake up."

"Why? What did I do that you have to punish me by waking me up early?"

I laughed and shoved him a bit, well really how much do you think I could push someone as big and built as Rocky? "Very funny, Geannie is going to be here soon and I think it best that you aren't still lying around in bed."

"Pebble is coming by? I didn't think that I would get to see her tonight." He smiled and his face lit up. "One day Kay I'm going to put a ring on that finger and we're going to have one of our own."

"Slow down there big fella. One step at a time," I gave him a little kiss and climbed out of bed.

"But don't you think that Pebble needs a play mate?"

"Dwayne when and IF I am ready to have another baby I will let you know." I said getting a bit testy. I know that the two of us have had an on again off again relationship for years but I wasn't ready to leave wrestling again. I wanted to make the most of my time.

"Hey I didn't mean anything by it I got a little carried away is all." He walked up behind me and hugged me. "I'm sorry. I know it's your career and your time off not mine. You love what you do and I will never try to take you away from that."

How was this man so freaking perfect? I thought to myself. God he is absolutely everything that a woman can possibly want.

"How do you do it Rocky? You always were able to read my mind."

"It's a gift." He stepped away and grabbed his things. "I'm going to clean up before Pebble gets here."

"Okay just make it quick because she's going to come very soon."

He nodded and I laughed to myself. He was never quick with getting ready. I could be ready and looking my best in half the time that it took him to pick a shirt and pants and fix his hair. Men say that women are the worst with getting ready, but I don't see how that is possible seeing as how we women wait around for the man to be ready. And then when they see us sitting there they ask if we are ready. Duh why else would I be sitting here twiddling my thumbs if I weren't ready?

And true enough to form I sat there dressed and ready for the day for a full twenty minutes before Dwayne stepped out of the bathroom asking what non the less. "So are you ready?"

It took all of my energy not to burst out laughing. I simply smiled and nodded.

"So where's the Pebble?"

"She should be here in about five minutes." As I finished the sentence when there was a knock on the door. "Well speak of the pebble she's a bit early."

It never occurred to me that it would be someone else knocking on my door at eight in the morning. Anyone who knew me knew that I was barely functional before ten.

"Butter- " I stopped dead in my tracks staring into the face of Jeff. "Oh Jeff I didn't exactly expect you to be here."

"I see that. I'm sorry if I was interrupting anything."

"No I was just expecting it to be Shane with Geannie is all." I turned to look into the room. I didn't know what Jeff was here for but I knew that taking him inside the room would be a very bad idea.

"This is a bad time isn't it?" He sighed. "I know things went badly between us and I'm sorry about that. But we're going to have to learn how to work together aren't we? I just thought we could take a bit of time today and try to work on not screaming every time we see each other."

"I'd like to Jeff but today isn't a good day."

"I know that this isn't exactly what you want. But I am here trying to say I'm sorry."

I glanced back into the room once more. I was becoming nervous, what would he say if he saw Dwayne? What would Dwayne say if he saw Jeff? What would I say to either of them?

"I understand that and we'll talk but I'm really just trying to wait for my daughter. I don't want to get into anything right now."

"Well if this is a bad time then when would be good for you?"

Before I could open my mouth to answer his question I heard Dwayne start talking. "Hey is that Pebble at the door? I can't wait to see her." I hung my head knowing that this would turn out badly and saw Dwayne walk up to me. "You certainly are taking a while at the door." He stopped in front of the door and crashed straight into me. The sight of Jeff at the door so early in the morning was not something that neither he nor I were prepared to deal with in the slightest bit. "Oh," was all that he could manage to say.

"Waiting for your daughter huh?" Jeff asked looking at me skeptically and at Dwayne with disdain.

"Yes Jeff I am waiting for her," that was the one button that nobody pushed. Sure I made a stupid mistake two years ago but I took up for it. I had become a fine mother and that was the one thing that I was proud of most. "Shane should be by any moment not that it is any of your business." And it was at that moment that I heard Shane walking down the hall chattering with our daughter. "And there they are. Now is there anything else that you would like?"

"I- I'm- " He was too distracted staring at Geannie bouncing down the hall.

"I didn't think so. Say what you want about me Jeff but make no mistake you may never say a single word about me or my family." I stepped around him to grab Geannie. Dwayne who had stayed silent the entire time walked around Jeff as well and stepped into the hallway with me.

"Rocky!" Geannie squealed running into his arms.

"Oh my little Pebble, I missed you. Did you miss me?"

"Yeah. Rocky play with me."

"Ok Pebble Rocky will play with you. But first say hi to mommy," he said smiling and turning her towards me.

"Hi Mommy," she said waving her pudgy hand.

"Hi baby, I missed you."

"Wanna go play."

"Ok my little butterball. Go and play with Rocky."

Dwayne took Geannie back inside giving Jeff an extremely dirty look on the way in.

"You can leave now Jeff." I said to him after I had talked to Shane about how the day would go and how the night went.

"I'm sorry Kay, I just saw- "

"I know what you saw Jeff, what you'll always see. I'm not a slut, and I'm certainly not a slut who uses her little girl as an excuse to keep someone out of her hotel room."

"I didn't say that Kayla."

"Oh but it was written all over you Jeff."

"I was just thrown for a loop. You said that you and Dwayne weren't involved with each other."

"For the longest time we weren't and now we are. Again, not your business."

"She really loves him doesn't she?"

"Yes Jeff they love each other. He's been there for her every step of the way."

"Pebble? What's with Pebble?"

"What's with these questions Jeff?" I was past annoyed at this point.

"I was just asking. Curious."

"More like jealous." I said raising my eyebrows.

"What do you expect from me Kay? I can't just check my feelings at the door."

"Jeff I told you that I don't want to do this today."

"You don't really have a chance Kay, the new team extreme is going to begin in a week and we need to work on story lines and how we'll work together. We need to resolve this."

"Jeff not today, especially not now."

"Kay I should be allowed to spend some time with that little girl. I was there for her for the first few months of her life."

"And that means what Jeff? Dwayne has been there for two years no matter what. Shane has been there, any one else you could think of has been there. But you haven't been. She doesn't know you from a hole in the wall I owe you nothing."

"You owe me time!" He yelled at me. "You owe me enough time to tell you what I really want to tell you."

"And what would that be Jeff?"

"I still love you Kayla! I still love you," he said getting quieter.

"Well you have a funny way of showing that Jeff. I have to go."

"You have to go to him don't you? You're running off to him just like you did before. You're no different."

"Jeff you no nothing about me anymore, and I am going to see my daughter."

"Kay please don't go. God I don't know what is wrong with me I just know that when I see you I see everything that happened."

"And every time I look at you I see the back of you walking away. There are bad memories between us Jeff and that won't change. But will change is the fact that I am moving past it. I don't care anymore Jeff. I'll work with you just fine as long as you don't try to start anything."

"You're the one that started everything. It was because of what you did that things are the way they are. It was because you couldn't keep your legs closed- "

I smacked him once more. "Keep it up Jeff Hardy see what happens next."

I hadn't noticed but Dwayne was right behind me. He had been listening to our conversation slowly seething with anger. He knew that I struggled with myself over everything and now he knew why.

"You son of a- " He charged Jeff slamming him into the hallway digging his fists into Jeff's abdomen over and over.

"Dwayne!" I screamed running over to him. "God Dwayne stop!"


	8. Redemption 8

I walked back up the ramp more than happy that I was finally getting to do something that we had been planning for years.

"That worked out better than I could have expected." Vince said walking over to us. "The reaction was great, get ready for some major work. From here on out you'll be three of my bigger stars."

I smiled and hugged Vince. "Thank you so much. You won't regret it Vince."

"I know that I won't." He looked at Matt and Jeff. "I know all three of you will work extra hard to make this great." They both said nothing, being exhausted from their work in the ring earlier they nodded to Vince and went to their locker room.

Vince turned and looked at me. "I know that lately business has taken over our personal life Kay but are you sure that you are able to handle this?"

"Of course I am Vince, when have you known me to sacrifice work for personal problems."

"I understand that, but I need my stars in good mental health as well as physical. You are much more to me than an employee and I know what I said before may make you feel like you have to be in team extreme, but if it's too hard- "

"Vince don't worry about anything. I can handle it."

"How is Jeff treating you?" Vince asked switching more to a fatherly mode.

"That's a lot more complicated. We haven't been getting along. We put aside for business but personally it sucks. He's never been nastier to me."

"What?"

"Vince please don't say or do anything. This is just something that Jeff and I need to work out. I need to find out why he is acting the way he is."

"Kay if the boy needs to be straightened out- "  
"The boy needs a bit of time to adjust." I smiled at Vince and hugged him. "I love you too Vince, but the last thing I need is someone else on Jeff's case. You'll get what you need out of us in that ring, just don't expect much more."

Vince nodded and smiled at me. "You are a tough girl Kayla."

"Thank you now I have to go get changed and grab my butterball."

I walked away a bit nervous about whether or not Vince would do anything. I told him about Jeff because Vince was someone who meant a lot to me. He loved me like a father and I wanted to be honest with him like I would with my father. But as I walked away I inwardly cursed myself for saying what I did. I could trust that Vince wouldn't do anything if he were feeling fatherly towards me. But Vince in business mode mixed with a bit of anger from his fatherly mode was a bad thing.

"You look lost." Dwayne said to me as I walked in the locker room.

"No just thinking over some things."

"Well you might want to put that on hold for a while."

"Why?" I looked at him completely lost for understanding. "What's going on?"

"Well there's someone who wants to spend some time with you." I gave him another puzzled look. He nodded his head in the direction of the bathroom. "Wanted to take your mind off of some of the things you'd been going through."

I walked over to the bathroom and saw none other than my very own big brother Steve Austin walk out.

"Oh my god," I smiled and ran to hug him. "What are you doing back? You are supposed to be taking time away from here."

"And I was until I heard what was going on. Are you really doing a whole story line with that rainbow headed freak?"

"Steve I have told you before that his name is Jeff and yes I have to." Steve rolled his eyes. "Wow only a few seconds for that to happen. I was hoping for at least a full minute of conversation." I smiled at him only to get him more annoyed.

"After the things he has said to you, you are still willing to work with him?"

"For the sake of my career I would work with you Steve and we all know how cooperative you can be," I raised my eyebrows and began to grab my things. "I know that you may not like it but you can't do anything to change it." I had my back to both Dwayne and Steve but I knew what they were thinking. "And no," I said without turning around. "You cannot go and try to talk Vince into letting me out of this."

"Would never do such a thing."

"Wasn't even thinking about it."

I heard them say with a bit of a laugh. "Very funny you two. Now I know what can happen when the two of you get together but I don't want you interfering hear me? You've done enough of that Rocky."

"What did you do?" Steve asked looking very curious.

"Not much, just pretty much pummeled Skittle head and threatened to beat him to death with his own arms if he even looked at her the wrong way again."

"I like it," Steve said approvingly. "Not too subtle but not too over the top.

"Steve he practically choked the life out of him!" I yelled.

"And see actually doing that would be over the top." Steve stated very calmly.

"I give up I can't win with the two of you." I said to him.

The next day when I walked into the arena I got news that I was hoping never to hear.

"Kayla she's back," Matt said to me trying to keep me calm.

"Who?" I asked not sure who he meant.

"Amy is back. She's gunning for the title, the two of you are going to seriously collide, more than ever."

"Where did you hear this from?"

"Amy herself. She's making her return tonight. She's pairing with Adam not keeping it secret that the two of them are a couple now."

"Oh great," I rolled my eyes. "No pressure or anything. Now I just have to deal with Jeff, Rocky, Steve, Geannie, a story line that is completely awkward, no that's not enough! Let's add Amy to the mix!" I paced around the room flailing my arms around. If I had seen myself I'm sure I would have looked as if I were trying to fly off somewhere. My arms wouldn't stop moving and I didn't know how to keep still.

"I know that it's hard to deal with. I just thought you should be prepared."

"Great." I sat down tired from flapping around like a fool.

"Thank you for sitting down I was afraid you were going to start some form of Irish jig."

I looked at Matt who was smiling. "Funny Matthew."

I jumped around extremely nervous for my match. It figured that in her first match back she would be facing me. Couldn't I get one freaking day off from stress? I asked myself trying not to let it show.

"You will be fine." Dwayne said walking over to me and hugging me.

I nodded too wound up to say anything without mixing it up or rambling for at least five minutes before being able to stop myself.

The match went on like any match. We put ourselves out there for the sake of the show and for our dignity. I had finally gotten enough of an advantage on Lita in the match where I went to finish her off using a twist of fate. I signaled the guns and was waiting for her to turn around when I found myself dazed and staring up at the lights. I hadn't noticed that Edge had run straight at me spearing me. I felt like I had been split in half.

Adam and I were friends outside of the ring as always and I know that he did it for the show and nothing more. The problem was that his character lately had become extremely ruthless and held back for nothing. I had never been on the receiving end of one of his spears and it hurt like crazy. I tried to move but couldn't seem to. I was worn out. I looked across the ring and saw Lita begin to stir around. I didn't want to lose, not to this woman, not tonight. I cursed my body for failing me. As I tried to steel myself enough to move I heard an extremely familiar sound over the loud speaker.

Glass shattered and the crowd went crazy. Steve ran down the ramp stunning Edge and tossing him out of the ring and chasing a very scared Lita out beside him. He gave them both his signature finger and turned to me.

"You have to get checked out Kay," he said kneeling over me.

"And you are supposed to be taking time off."

"It was cut short," he said smiling.

"You came back for me."

"I came back because the world needs someone to watch who's worth a damn. I could care less about you." He said laughing and helping me out of the ring.

The Rattlesnake was back and he was out for blood as always. I smiled at him knowing that he hadn't really wanted to come back but he loved it all the same. Steve Austin had come out of hibernation early, and he had done it for me.


	9. Redemption 9

I hugged Steve before walking up the ramp with him. I was more leaning on him then actually walking with him. The pain seared through my abdomen not easing up.

"Freak Adam," I said once backstage. "I wasn't expecting that to happen, you didn't have to ram me so hard."

"Sorry about that," he said looking a bit worried.

"Next time," I said walking up to him. "Just give me either a little warning or take it a bit easier. I have to go die now," I said winking at him.

"Come on Kay," Steve said pulling me away. "You need to go rest."

"Steve you should have just stayed backstage."

"No way Kayla, after everything that you have been through with that woman, was I going to sit here and watch her decimate you."

"I could have gotten the better of her." I said a bit defensively.

"Sweetie what you don't understand is that she is seriously vengeful. I went out there with Vince's ok and at his request. Everyone is worried about you and her being around each other again."

"Oh please, I've handled her before and I can- "

"Kayla, lay down, relax and take the help from friends and family when you need it and when you can get it."

Steve sat me down on the couch and kneeled down besides me. Laying his hand on my shoulder he stared at me with so much more than brotherly love and protection.

"What is it?" I asked him getting a bit anxious under his gaze.

"Kay you are everything to me and I don't want you hurt. Me and you we're friends right?"

"Steve of course we are," I smiled. "Why would you even ask?"

"Then tell me the truth, how are you dealing with the team extreme thing?"

My smile fell at the mention of that. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"If we are truly friends Kay you'll talk to me about it. I'm worried about it, about you."

"Steve I've just been speared in half and it's pretty hard to breathe; I'm not really in the mood to talk about that idiot."

"Kay, Dwayne says that you haven't really talked to him about any of this. Now I know that there is a lot more going on inside than you want to tell him."

"Yeah only because he'll run over to Jeff and beat him again. If I just deal with it my way and make sure that no one really knows how hard it is than no one can do anything."

"Kay guess what, Dwayne already wants to beat him. Nothing is going to change that."

"But I can stop him from actually going through with it." I said quietly. The pain was tightening my sides and making it harder to concentrate on anything else besides the pain.

"Kayla, what's wrong? You seem like you're in a lot of pain."

"Take me to the trainer Steve. I need to get checked out."

Steve stood up and scooped me up. He knew that if I were voluntarily going to get looked at then something serious had to be going on with me.

"Where does it hurt?" Steve asked.

"All over my sides and stomach, it's hard to breath without it hurting."

"Ok we'll get you looked at."

And in true Steve fashion he barged into the medical office pulling away the first person he saw. Now these people were used to dealing with wrestlers, and used to dealing with the bad tempers seeing as how we call hate to get injured. And we hate to admit that we're in pain and something is wrong with us. But even Steve in his bad mood can intimidate someone who has seen all types of attitudes and angry faces.

"Steve, be nice to the woman," I told him seeing the shocked look on her face. I looked at her and smiled. "You'll have to excuse him. They don't call him 'the rattlesnake' for nothing. He gets wound up real easy like. But his hiss is a lot worse than his bite."

"Why are we talking about me? You should be getting looked at." Steve said getting annoyed that I was taking the time to calm this woman down.

I ended up in the hospital that night under observation making sure that nothing gets worse. It had finally been decided after four hours of intense pain that I had severely bruised my ribs without fully fracturing them. Although the doctors all said that it was still possible to have slight fractures being so small that they couldn't see them on the x-ray films. Taking the next week off was ordered as I squirmed in the hospital bed wishing that I could sign myself out and get ready for my fight the next night.

"Kay you'll be out of here in the morning, and I don't care what you say there is no way that you are fighting," Dwayne had been arguing with me about it since he showed up after the show.

"Dwayne, what am I supposed to do for a week?"

"Stay with your daughter," he said simply.

"Rocky, I am with my daughter all the time, and I love her. But every so often I need to do something for me. Going out in that ring is what I do for me. Without that I'm some stay at home mom."

"And there is nothing with being that for a week or so."

"A week or so? What is that supposed to mean?" I asked him.

"It means that if you go and wrestle in this condition you are going to be sitting in a hospital bed and be out of commission for much more than a simple week."

"I can fight with the shape that I am in," I said to him still refusing to give in. "We just started the new story line. I can take it easy in the matches and people will look out for me. I don't have to stay out."

"You are staying out Kayla. You'll stay out even if I have to call Vince and get him to put a public ban on you wrestling."

"You wouldn't think of doing it."

"I am and I would. And Steve has already given his ok."

"Rocky I am a full grown woman and you can't just stroll in here and think that you can tell me what to do. I know what I am doing, and just because you run it by Steve doesn't mean that it's ok with me! I'm sick of the two of you thinking that you can make these types of decisions for me! I am perfectly capable of going out there and- "

Dwayne had heard enough of my yelling and leaned over and kissed me.

"Kay, I am not trying to run your life, I just want you to take the week off. Please baby, just do this one thing for me."  
"Rocky I- "

Knowing me and how stubborn I am he knew that he was in for another argument. He smiled at me and kissed my lips softly once more. "Please Kayla do this for me."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "I'll take a couple of days off but not the whole week off. And that's the best that I can possibly do. Besides, we both know that you can't talk me out of anything."

I spent two very long and very boring days with Geannie in the hotel relaxing. Well physically I was relaxing, and mentally I was going insane. With everyone busy with their own perspective careers I felt like I was missing out on something. I loved being able to have quality time with my daughter, but I missed having the chance to let people see me as something other than mommy.

"I know that it's been a long time since I've been in the spotlight," I heard a voice say as I turned the corner in the arena. I was still sore but stayed back stage in case I wanted my presence known. The voice made me knot up inside. It was Amy. We had not seen each other in years and I didn't carry the same type of animosity towards her. But I knew that she was still out for my blood. The problem was that I didn't know how to get carried away with her anymore. I wasn't sure if it were a good thing or a bad one I only knew that I wouldn't be able to bring about the same hatred that she would use against me. I snapped out of my own thoughts and listened to what she was saying. Not surprising me that it was about me and what she was going to do. "No, I haven't changed at all. I left right in the middle of the top of our feud. Now that I'm back I'm going to finish it off."

"Hope you're right this time, look where your arrogance landed you last time," I said to her as I passed by her.

"Trying to hone in on my press time Kayla?" She asked me annoyed and trying to make me seem desperate.

"Not at all honey, just making a simple comment, I've got enough press time. Please enjoy the rest of your interview." I really was trying to be nice to her. Since Geannie I had calmed down quite a bit. I had to. My patience was tested on a daily basis and I knew how to keep calm. Gone were the days of my backstage brawling. I had learned my lesson and tried more than ever to keep myself safe. If not for my sake, at least for the sake of my daughter.

"I don't think I can now, I mean you've gone and ruined it. Now I have to answer back to your comment and we'll have to start a game of insults."

"Oh like a battle of wits? Pity that you've come unarmed I do enjoy those."

"Ha you think you're so clever do you? Let's see what you got when you get in that ring."

"Oh honey," I said dripping with false sweetness acting as if I cared about her. "We've already been there and I have seen it all. And guess what, you've been found wanting." I turned to the reporter and gave a nod of acknowledgement. "You're free to use any of this in the interview really I don't mind. Our darling friend Lita here doesn't mind sharing the spotlight, seeing as how she's never been a big enough draw to get one of her own." I flashed a smile at her and walked away. I was angry with myself, why did I always bring myself down to her level? I really was trying to be nice. And she got off easy considering my new found temperament.

"I saw your little girl the other day," I stopped dead in my tracks my rage burning inside of me. "Jeff was telling me all about you and her. Telling me how you leave her alone with anyone you can just to get away from her. He said you don't pay that much attention to her. She looks a lot like Shane, although she seems a bit well how do I put it lightly, large." My fists balled up and I tried so hard to not turn and jump her. Hearing those things coming from Amy's mouth enraged me. My body was burning inside, the flames getting hotter and hotter. I knew if I touched her now she wouldn't be alive by the time I stopped. "Jeff talks to me a lot, tells me everything really. He wants to see that little girl, for what reason I don't know but I know that he does. And you owe it to him. It's the best you can do considering you just toss your daughter to the closest man around."

I was trying and failing miserably at controlling my temper. Here I was nearly three years since she had been suspended. I was supposed to be older, wiser, more in control of everything. And yet I found myself feeling like a temperamental teenager who just had someone slight her boyfriend. I shouldn't have taken her words seriously or paid any type of attention to her but I couldn't help it. It seemed that her words began to echo in my head louder and louder each time I repeated them.

"I knew you were afraid of a fight, I just didn't know you would let people say anything to you just to avoid a fight." Amy said practically snarling at me.

_Oh if it's a fight you're after then you'll certainly get one_ I thought to myself as I spun around spearing her straight to the ground. I don't know what happened. The last thing that I remembered was the scream of the reporter from the shock of seeing Amy and I fall down to the ground beating each other as much as we possibly could. I couldn't even tell who it was pulled the two of us apart, but the only thing I really did know was that once I was pulled off of her I was going to find my next victim.

I was on a mission and there was no one that could stop me from seeing it through. I warned Jeff once that he was never allowed to talk to me or anyone else about my family. If he didn't believe me before I was certainly going to show him that I was more than serious.


	10. Redemption 10

I heard shouting in the background but didn't pay attention to any of it. There was too much noise for me to understand anything that was going on. But I had no real reason to want to understand any of it. The blood that was rushing through me blotted out any understanding of words that were being shouted at me. I understood nothing but the thoughts in my own head screaming for vengeance. What Amy had said to me was of course only to get under my skin, and it had worked. I put no weight in her words, I was simply demanding respect the one and only way I knew it would work with her. Amy had never responded to my words, they only served to infuriate her further. But when I was able to hurt her physically, leaving scars and bruises whenever possible there was no denying that she had done wrong. She would know now that she was not able to say whatever she pleased to me. She would know that to mention my daughter is to bring upon herself a world of pain.

What hurt the most was her mention of Jeff. After all that Amy had done to Matt, the lying and sneaking around why did Jeff still have contact with her? Why in the world did Jeff tell her about our business? What was going on between Jeff and I was no concern of anyone else's. I hadn't told Dwayne of the little fights Jeff and I had been having on and off. Not even Matt knew that we would go into quiet places and have it out over and over again. There was no putting a cap on his anger. He had thrown insult after insult at me. I had heard him call me just about everything under the sun. It was hard to deal with but I was coping with it the best I knew how to. I had apologized to Jeff and explained everything to him. And when it seemed that he was about to calm down or forgive me there was something that went off in the back of his head and his anger flared up once again. And truth be told I was sick of apologizing. How many times can I tell one person that what happened was one big mistake? How many different ways can a person come up with to apologize? I was done with it, and the fact that I had been fighting back was making things even more heated. It would have been one thing if I had told Jeff sorry every time he pulled me off somewhere to berate me. But I was done with guilt, done with feeling sorry. I fired back insults as fast as they came at me. I threw in his face over and over again that he ran away. I told him over and over that he had to stay away from me. But each time I said that the next day he would over power me and bring me somewhere to fight it out. Yet I had told no one of this. I sat quiet during whatever business meetings we had, put on a great show for the fans, and told everyone around us that there were no problems with anything. How could he possibly go off and tell the one person that I honestly and truly hated all that was happening between us? How could he bring up my daughter? My anger subsided as I thought about her cute smile and her wonderful character. I was nothing without her anymore. I feel like I was nothing before I had her, there was nothing more important than my baby girl. With the looks of her father and the fiery personality of her mother there was no holding her back. My darling little girl, he talked about my angel, he told Amy about my world, my center. And the more I thought about the fact that Jeff had been telling Amy about Geannie the more I became infuriated.

I hadn't even realized that I was at the men's locker room until I heard loud banging. Realizing that I was the one banging, I lightened up fearing that I might just rip the door off its hinges with the sheer rage coursing through me.

"Hey Kay- " Matt opened the door but trailed off at the look on my face.

"Your brother Matt, where is he?"

"He's right out here, why what's up?"

"Get me your brother."

"Kay is everything ok you look a bit- "

"Just get Jeff," I yelled loudly. I knew I would have to apologize to him later on but now there was no controlling my temper.

Jeff heard my outburst and came to the door. "What is it now Kayla?" Everything about him at that moment seemed to be annoyed at seeing me.

"You've been talking to Amy about my girl," I stated trying not to leap at him and rip out his throat.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Jeff don't lie!" I screamed at him stepping forward. "You may be a lot of things but liar was never one of them."

"No that's reserved for you."

"Jeff you talked to Amy about my little girl? You dared mention her to that horrible woman?"

"Amy is a friend, she always has been."

"Oh really? Was she a friend after you and Matt found out that she was screwing half the RAW roster behind Matt's back? Was she a friend after she left me for dead in a parking lot four years ago?"

"She's changed."

"Jeff don't talk to me about her, right now I could care less if she ran around preaching to everyone saying that she found Jesus and is running off to Amish country. Answer the question Jeff, have you talked to her about my little girl?"

Jeff tried to keep on a face of annoyance and anger, but he faltered and for a minute I saw guilt on him. "Yes," he finally answered regaining his composure.

"Why?" I was seething with anger but even more so I was hurt. "She almost killed me and my baby. Why of all people would you talk to her about Geannie? You were there with me in the hospital, you saw what she did to me!"

"She is the only friend that I have left!" He yelled back at me. "She knows what it's like to be at the very bottom of everything and not know how to claw your way out."

"Jeff you have no right to go off and talk to anyone about my baby least of all her!"

"I can talk to who I can please about what I please."

His arrogance and smug attitude hit me hard. Since when was Jeff like this? Since when was Jeff Hardy a cold uncaring man? Seeing his cold disregard of the fact that I had been insulted in the worst way sent me off the edge.

"She said things about Geannie, things that she should never say, things that you should never say." I searched his eyes trying to find some remorse but I found nothing. "I told you not to mention my family to anyone, you know nothing about me or my little girl. You know nothing about what I go through to take care of her, what I go through to make sure she's happy and safe. And if I would leave her with anyone then why haven't I left her with you?" Jeff faltered at my statement. There it was, the hurt and the pain in his eyes. "That's right Jeff, if I would leave my daughter with anyone why have you not spent time with her?"

"You obviously only go for stuck up, arrogant, self absorbed man whores." He said finally.

Before I honestly knew what I was doing Jeff was on the floor gasping in pain. I had kneed him in his groin as hard as I possibly could. And being able to press nearly two hundred pounds with my legs easily enough that was a good amount of force. I jumped on top of him and began pounding away at his face, body, any place that I could make contact. I was yelling, screaming, crying. I remember nothing that came out of my mouth only that I stopped punching and kicking when I had been thrown back into the hallway by Matt and Adam.

"You stay there!" Matt yelled at me running back into the locker room to look after Jeff.

I went to charge back in, Jeff in my opinion hadn't gotten his fair share of punishment.

"Hey, hey, hey, where do you think you're going Tyson?" Adam asked holding me back. "Kay stop fighting I'm stronger than you are. Besides from the look of Jeff you did your job."

I looked at Adam with disbelief. "No, there is not enough punishment for him." I looked down at my hands, they were bruised and cut up. Between Amy and Jeff I had certainly done a number to my knuckles.

"Kayla, you should get your hands looked at." I just stared at him again. "I know that I'm not your favorite person Kay, with me dating Amy. I won't try to say she's changed or anything to you."

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"But there are some things that aren't going to change. Her feelings towards you won't ever change. Don't let them get to you like this you'll ruin everything trying to get the better of them."

"Adam what they said about Geannie, they should- "

"Kay people do and say stupid things, but you doing this to yourself," he looked down at my hands. "It's not worth it. Go get yourself checked out, and leave Jeff alone for the night, you've done enough."

I stared at the door, wanting to break free of Adam and get another chance to beat Jeff some more. I nodded and walked off leaving the locker room, but not getting checked out. Why waist my time? My hands weren't broken, just cut and bruised. I turned the corner and the exhaustion from my brawling began to take effect. In fact the last few weeks took its toll on me. I worked hard not to cry but began to fail. Tears fell down my face as I tried to calm down enough before I ran into anyone. But between the tears and blood I was a complete mess and needed a bit of help. I figured that now would a perfect time as any to tell Dwayne and Steve the whole truth. The look of shock on their faces was priceless as I walked in. It was the first time I smiled that night seeing them completely speechless, jaws at the floor.

"Got any bandages?" I asked holding up my hands. "It seems a couple faces ran into my fists repeatedly." I laughed at the sight of Dwayne and Steve speechless and frozen in time. "Well if this is all that it takes to shut the two of you up then I'll have to do this more often," I said jokingly.

"Kay what did you do?" Dwayne asked moving closer to me to get a better look at my hands. "And why does it look like you've been crying?"

"Because I have been," I said honestly.

"What about the fists?" Steve asked. "What happened?"

"I brawled.

"Why wasn't I invited?" He asked trying to keep things light. I was grateful for that. I felt like I was about to break into so many tiny pieces that no one would know how to help put me back together.

"It was spur of the moment," I said keeping up the playful banter.

"And no one came to find me?"

"I put up a pretty decent fight, they had their hands full with me alone."

"Well then I've taught you well," he smiled at me. It was a sad smile though. He knew that I was hurting, knew that I was fragile and was trying his hardest to make things as easy for me as possible.

"Kayla what really happened?" Dwayne asked in a serious manner.

"Didn't you hear? She went out brawling. Looks like she found a couple of good targets too," Steve said winking at me.

"This isn't funny anymore, you need to tell me what happened," Dwayne looked down at me with a mixture of frustration and concern.

"It's exactly like Steve said, I found a couple of good targets, Amy and Jeff."

"You mean you attacked skittle head?" Steve asked.

"He deserved it," I said trying to make things a bit less serious than they were.

"I'm sure he did, just never thought you'd take after me."

I smiled at Steve loving how gentle and protective he was being with me. To Dwayne it just seemed as if Steve and I were trying to avoid the truth. But I knew better than that. Steve was always one to confront problems head on without any sugar coating. Except when it came to family, he would do anything even skirt around the big issue to get details eventually. He knew that I was about to break any second, he could see it in my eyes and he knew that once that happened there was no getting any more information out of me.

"Hey, it's genetic not like I really had a choice," I smiled. "So how about those bandages?"

"Kayla would you please just tell us what happened?" Dwayne asked a bit more harsh than he was probably intending.

I stepped back shocked at his tone. "What?" I asked quietly, still trying to keep together after everything that happened.

"Sorry, it's just- " he paused taking in a deep breath. "You come in here like that and you won't say what happened."

"Rocky man take it easy," Steve said gently. "She's been through enough."

"That's just it we don't know what she's been through. This whole team extreme story line thing, now the fighting."

"And when she's ready she'll tell us what's going on," Steve was about to get defensive. There was about to be another fight.

"I'm ready!" I said loudly getting their attention.

I had barely finished recounting everything when Dwayne rushed out of the locker room ready to raise hell.

"Steve go after him please, he'll kill Jeff if he finds him."

"Kay I don't know how much good I'll do I'm ready to join him."

"Please Steve don't let Rocky do anything stupid."

He nodded and rushed out the door as well leaving me alone to cry, hurt and try to figure out a way to fix the mess that I had created.


	11. Redemption 11

For the first time that week I was happy that I wasn't wrestling. Although explaining everything to Vince without getting into serious trouble was going to be hard to pull off. I wasn't looking to get off easy though. My actions were detestable. I had never in my life acted so rudely or barbaric. I deserved whatever consequences my behavior merited. I was simply happy that I did not have to go out in front of a crowd. I was physically and emotionally drained of all energy. I had put everything into the fights between Amy and Jeff. I wanted to go and check on Steve and Dwayne and make sure that they hadn't committed murder but I was too tired to even stand.

Throwing my head down in my hands I was enjoying the silence trying to get a handle on my feelings and everything that happened that night. The knock on the door told me it was time for me to face the world and own up to what I've done.

"Come in," I called out. I was too lazy to try and get up. Every limb of my body felt like it was tied to cement blocks.

"Hey Kay, how're the hands?" I didn't open my eyes I knew exactly who it was and why he was there.

"Cut and bruised but besides that they're fine. I'll be able to wrestle like nothing ever happened."

"Kay mind telling me exactly what happened? I've got two wrestlers who are bloody and bruised. Amy has a broken nose, she might need reconstructive surgery, and Jeff has a dislocated jaw. Those are some pretty extreme injuries for someone to give them. Especially back stage. What is going on with you?" Vince sat down next to me and put his arm around me. I knew that soon enough I would see Vince McMahon business man extraordinaire, but sitting next to me now was Vince McMahon the man who had become like a father to me.

"I don't know, I really don't know. I just sort of lost it."

"Why did you lose it? I'll need more than that if we're going to save your job and fix any of this."

I picked my head up and looked at Vince. I was calmer, and more collected than when I had first walked into the room but I was still a mess.

"They talked about my little girl Vince."

"What?"

"I had passed by Amy and she got under my skin as usual. I tried hard not to let her, but failed miserably as usual. But I made an improvement; I didn't turn around and whack her at first sight."

"Well let's file that under every cloud has a silver lining and move on."

"She wanted a reaction out of me and I wouldn't give her one. That's when she started in about Geannie. Said that she was fat, that I would leave her with just any guy that was around, she said I was a bad mother. I was trying to ignore it all, but she said that she heard it all from Jeff, and how I owed him time with Geannie."

"Oh sweetie, none of that is true, why would you listen to her?"

"I didn't."

"Ok then why is she out there on a stretcher?"

"She said that I wouldn't do anything when people talked about my family. She asked for a fight and I brought her one."

"And you had to do this in the middle of an interview?"

"At least there's a witness who can tell you she provoked me."

"There's that silver lining again," Vince was trying not to get annoyed with me. He had been enjoying my new patient temperament. It had meant no backstage fighting and less paper work for him. He had more free time to be to become grandfather of the year when he wasn't trying to sort out my latest backstage fight.

"I'm sorry Vince I really am. I tried so hard not to let it get that far."

"I know you did sweetie. There's a lot of bad blood between the two of you, that isn't going to disappear anytime soon. So what about Jeff? Why did you go off on him?"

"He's been talking to Amy about Geannie, telling her all of these horrible things about me as a mother."

"Like what?"

"That I leave my baby with man whores, and I pawn her off on anybody because I don't want her around."

"Kayla you do know that none of that is true."

"Of course I do Vince. I know how much I've sacrificed to make sure that she's ok. I'm thinking about taking some time off when she's a bit older to settle her down. No one knows more than me all that we've done to make her happy and healthy."

"What I do not understand is why you would attack Jeff. Amy I can see, after what she said and the history between the two of you. But why on earth would you attack Jeff? If any of this gets out it'll be a p.r. nightmare."

"Blame it on p.m.s."

"Kay, I know that your day sucked but try and have a little understanding of everything that this is going to cause."

"I know I know I'm sorry. Suspend me." I told him putting my head back down.

"What?"

"Suspend me."

"Kayla, why would I do that?"

"Because I deserve it. Everyone here thinks I get off easy because I have this tie to your family. I had to work so hard to make people see that I am just like everyone else when it comes to the business aspect of things."

Vince took my hand and brushed my hair back so that he could look at my face. "Kay I am saying this from a purely professional point of view; I would not suspend you for this not because of your relationship with me but because you are the best female superstar I have. You are back on your way to the top I can't take you out now."

"You might have to Vince. Jeff and I, we can't make this story line work."

"You told me that you had it all sorted out."

"No Vince," I told him honestly. "We don't. We never did. He wants me no where near him and any time I get close he screams his head off at me."

"How come I've never heard about this? I think I need to talk to this young man. He needs to learn exactly how he has to behave himself in this business."

"Vince you're getting worked up over nothing. We've been fighting in private for a while now, and I don't think it will stop. There is nothing that anybody can do to fix it."

"I'll leave you alone to sort through all that you are going through Kayla, but I am not suspending you. I know how much you love this business, and you are the best I've got right now. Anyone who has a problem with that can come see me. And if after you've thought this through you need some time I'll give it to you."

"Hey Vince," I called to him as he walked towards the door. "Did I really hit Jeff hard enough to dislocate his jaw?"

"You did quite a number on him but sad to say no."

"Then who did?"

"Before anyone could get to Jeff, Dwayne and Steve showed up. Dwayne got one good shot at Jeff leaving his jaw dislocated and him completely unconscious. He's still riled up trashing things in the men's room." Vince smiled at me. "Not the best act of loyalty but I applaud the man for making a stand."

"Thank you Vince, you're the best to me you know."

"Anytime sweetie," he gave me a sad smile and walked out.

If I didn't feel guilty about the fighting before I certainly did after he left me alone again. I knew that it would be a big mess to clean up, but I could see the stress etched in Vince's face as soon as he walked through the door. It wasn't fair that the man had to go through so much trouble to clean up after my rage and stupidity. I would find a way to set it right, I couldn't let everyone else around me take the fall.

As tired as I was I had to get up now. If Vince was telling the truth the only thing that could calm Dwayne down now would be me. I laughed to myself a bit and got up walking slowly to the men's room. Leave it to my Rocky to cause more trouble and more work for me when I had already done enough.

Steve was standing outside the men's room door making sure that no one went in.

"Is he really that bad?" I asked walking up to Steve.

"Lucky for you I went against every instinct I had and threw him in here after I saw Jeff on the floor knocked out."

"Why? This was your golden opportunity you always wanted to get your hands on him."

"And I still do, but I want him in a fair fight. It's no fun to try to beat the sense out of that skittle head freak when he's already passed out. That's like hitting a punching bag. Where's the sport in that?"

"Thank you for stopping him Steve," I kissed his cheek and smiled at him. No matter what he wanted to say I know why he kept his hands off Jeff. No one knew how much Dwayne meant to me more than Steve. He had been more concentrated on keeping Dwayne out of trouble than getting the best of Jeff.

"Nah, it was nothing really."

"Never is," I winked at him and walked in.

The bathroom wasn't destroyed like I thought it would be. If Dwayne had gone on a rampage then he certainly was neat about it. There was nothing broken and nothing out of place. It didn't take me long to realize that Steve was keeping people out of the bathroom not because Dwayne was angry and dangerous; but because he was upset and hurt behind everything I told him

"Rocky baby," I called out walking in. He was standing by the window of the bathroom. There was no scenery to look at; he was simply staring into space. "Rocky what are you doing in here?"

"Thinking."

"Why couldn't you do that in the locker room?"

"Because you were there," he looked at me and must have read the confusion in my expression. "You cloud up all of my thoughts. I can't concentrate on anything for too long when you're around. It's just the affect you have on me."

"So what are you thinking about?" I asked him walking closer.

"The past few weeks," he said still trying to find other places to look than at me.

"I heard what you did to Jeff," I said putting my hand on his arm. "You can get in real trouble for that."

"I would have done more but Steve pulled me in here. I'll do anything to protect you."

"Dwayne you don't have to protect me, I don't want you to protect me. I want you to do things with me."

"Like brawl backstage?"

I laughed and shook my head at him. "No preferably not that."

"Kay, why didn't you tell me about all of this? Why not tell me before you get to the point where you are fighting backstage? If you had told me I would have straightened him out a long time ago."

"That is exactly why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you 'straightening him out' or anything else. If I'm going to fix things with him I need to do it on my own terms, I don't need people walking up to him every other day beating him unconscious."

"I still would have understood. We can't keep up this relationship if you don't trust me enough to tell me things that are happening in your life."

I took Dwayne's head in my hands; he still had yet to truly look at me. "Look at me Dwayne Johnson," I waited until he lifted his eyes to meet mine. "I love you so much that it hurts sometimes. I trust you with everything that I am. Why else would I want my little girl so close to you that she thinks of you as her daddy? Without you I don't know who I am. I didn't tell for no other reason than the fact that I knew you would take things into your own hands. Jeff needs to see that it's just me and him in this fight and no one else."

"But Kay when he talks to you like he did- "

"I set him straight each and every time. There is something deeper that is holding him back from forgiving me. I need to find out what it is so I can fix it. Do you understand? Rocky you are so important to me and I want to share everything with you, but this I have to do alone."

"Why do you want to fix things with him anyway?"

"He's been in my life for so many years that I feel like a big part of me is missing without him. I miss my friend, and I just want him back."

Dwayne nodded and said nothing. I can never be sure why he stayed so quiet for a man who is so opinionated. It seemed as if he finally understood why I was going through so much for one person.

"Let's get those hands cleaned up," he said taking me in his arms and kissing the top of my head. "And we'll get out of here early."

"Let me just do one thing first alright?"

"Sure," he said looking at me strangely.

I ran through the hallways looking for Vince's office for the night. There was something that still needed to be done. I needed to take up for my actions and spare Vince the trouble of sorting things out.

"Hey Vince, I need two minutes it won't take long, promise." I said softly trying not to interrupt the call that he was on. He nodded and waved as acknowledgement before rushing the person on the other end off the phone.

"What can I do for you Kay?"

"I'm suspending myself."

"What? You can't suspend yourself." Vince was clearly baffled by what he had just heard. No wrestler honestly wants to be suspended and here I was saying I was doing it to myself. "You are needed here Kayla."

"Vince you know what I did was wrong and there has to be consequences."

"Fine then we'll give you some fines for fighting backstage."

"That won't be enough. Vince I've been through a lot lately and you know that I need the time off. If you call it a suspension you satisfy everyone around."

Vince sat quiet for what seemed to be an eternity saying nothing just leaning on his desk. "Ok if that's what you want. Thirty day suspension and the fines will be in the mail."

I nodded. "This is for the best you'll see when the time is up."

"I hope so," he said to me as I walked out the door to go to the medic's office.


	12. Redemption 12

My heart pounded as I walked to the medical office. I knew that when I told Dwayne he would more than yell at me. The only one more passionate about my career than me was Dwayne. He would be completely unbelieving and far from understanding. I was rising back up to the top, taking over the whole group of diva's and now winning even more hearts showing more of my talent in team extreme. To walk out on my career now, seemed absurd, a bit mental, and was going to cause a lot of heat.

"Kay where have you been I've been waiting." Dwayne took me straight to the table, to sit me down, as soon as I walked in the door.

"I just took my time walking over here," I told him truthfully. I knew that I would upset him once he heard my news, and I dreaded doing it.

"Well where did you go?"

"To talk to Vince."

"Did you talk him out of taking any action against you? If anyone can understand I know that it's Vince."

"No Rocky I didn't." He was walking around the office getting bandages and disinfectant to clean up my hands. He seemed so jittery and agitated that he didn't want to sit still at all. "I talked him into it."

Dwayne stopped moving around and whipped his head to look straight at me, something that he had been reluctant to do all evening. "What do you mean?" He asked afraid to speak louder than a whisper.

"He didn't want to suspend me, I made him."

"Kay no one would ever honestly- "

"Rocky, come sit here for a minute, I want to talk to you about it."

"What is there to say?" He asked incredulous that there would be a rational explanation for my actions.

"There is a lot to say, and if you just sit down and let me tell you, you might better understand."

He stopped moving seeming to think about what he should do. I could see the emotions run over his face, changing as quickly as lighting flashes. He was torn on what to do, on what to say. Finally deciding that there wasn't anything that he could honestly say, he sat down on the table next to me.

"I know that this is a big shock," I started off.  
"That is a large understatement."

"But I needed to do this," I continued on as if he hadn't talked. "Vince was going to catch a lot of heat if he didn't do anything about this night."

"Vince is a big boy, he doesn't need you protecting him."

"I'm not protecting him, or anybody else for that matter," I took a breath to keep myself from getting over worked. As much as Dwayne and I loved each other he knew every button to push to get on my nerves. "I am trying to take up responsibility for what I did tonight."

"But it was because of Amy and Jeff and the things that they said."

"No Rocky baby, it's on me. There is always a choice. I chose to let them force my hand. I let them bring me this far down."

"And this warrants you pushing for your own suspension?"

"I pushed for the suspension because I need some time off anyway. Vince knows that, I told him to put it down as a suspension and he agreed."

"I don't understand." He said slowly going back to avoiding looking at me.

"I'm crumbling Rocky," I said in a shaky voice. Admitting that I wasn't strong enough to deal with the stress of my life was always hard for me. But I knew that this time I had to admit to it. There was a baby girl's life in the balance. I could not risk falling apart and being unable to take care of my daughter. She has been the center of my world since the day she was born. I had to admit that I was weak to stay strong for her.  
"I've been going through too much, and I can't keep it going anymore. I mean look at what happened tonight? That wasn't just momentary rage Dwayne, that was weeks, months, years, of pent up anger, hurt, resentment, frustration. Things that I've kept buried inside all this time."

"Kayla, why didn't you say something to me about all of this? I could have helped you."

"Because I did what I always do, I was protecting everyone else. I didn't want you going off and fighting with Jeff and getting suspended. I didn't want to spoil Steve's time off from here. And I learned long ago that when it comes to Matt and Jeff, it's best if they don't get into fights over mutual friends."

"So what happens, you bloody Jeff and get suspended, Steve comes back early for you, and now Matt knows what's happening and is probably highly upset with Jeff."

"Not exactly the outcome I had hoped for," I said chuckling. "I never said my methods were perfect, just that I was trying to love you guys one of the few ways I know how."

"Kayla baby you have a bigger heart, and more soul than anyone I know. Putting yourself through hell does not show me how much you love me darling. All I need is you sitting here by my side." He took my hands and began to clean them up carefully, and extremely gentle for a man so large. "I understand that you have to take up for your actions, and you need the time."

"I need more than that Dwayne," I said so quietly he almost didn't hear me.

"What is that baby? I'll give anything to you."

He was so sincere in what he said I almost broke into tears knowing that I'd have to spend the next month away from him.

"I need you; I need you to be with me on this." I smiled seeing the look of shock and pure happiness that came across his face. "I know you can't spend my suspension with me, but I need your support. I can't get back to where I need to be without you."

He put down the bandages and antiseptic and took me into his arms hugging me gently, but with all the passion he had inside of him. "If you'll have me, I'll be here for the rest of my life and your life," he whispered in my ear.

His voice was thick and heavy, full of emotion that I couldn't quite place. He seemed unsure and yet certain that what he was saying would be well received. I could hear the love and desire that laced his words. My heart began to pound thinking about what his words could mean. I wanted to break his hold and look at him. I thought if maybe I could see his eyes I could read his manner better. His eyes could never hide emotions from me. And yet as much as I wanted to see his eyes, and understand the meaning behind his words; I could not bring myself to move from his large arms that wrapped around me so easily.

"Dwayne," I said barely audible. It had been at least five minutes since the two of us had moved or spoken, both enjoying the feeling of each other. He couldn't bring himself to speak only let out a grunt to know I was paying attention. "When you said that before was that- "

"A proposal?" He asked, still whispering in my ear.

I nodded. I couldn't bear to hear no, but I was completely petrified to hear yes. It was as if he knew my very emotions, and all of my conflict. He pulled back slightly so that we were looking at each other.

"There is nothing more I would love than to say yes, but no it isn't. Don't get me wrong," he said before I could even react. "I meant what I said. Consider it an unofficial proposal. I don't think it would be right though, not now, not with everything that is happening. When you are happy, and back and better than ever, that is the first thing I'll do."

I smiled at him and laughed. This man was absolutely perfect in every aspect. "I would like that," I said bringing him back into a hug.

"I'm glad; now let's get out of here. I'm ready to put this whole fight night behind us."

"I completely agree. I'm ready to get my baby and snuggle under warm bed covers."

I got to the arena where RAW was being hosted and walked to the ring where all the stage hands were still setting everything up and doing sound checks. Although everyone seemed to be scrambling around I stood perfectly still loving the fact that I would be making my return. I leaned up against that great square circle that had become a second home to me and closed my eyes. The feeling of coming back home washed over me, and I began to replay the last month over in my head.

I had spent the last month sitting at home watching a two year old play with her toys. And although on days it could get very boring, I had never enjoyed anything so much in my life. I no longer had to worry about fighting with Jeff, or running into Amy. I was free to be a mother, free to be someone I had been holding back since Jeff came back.

Dwayne was right; I had been giving up an awful lot to convince Jeff I wanted a friendship with him. I had begun to lose myself to try and find Jeff. It was part of the reason that I had such a hard time controlling my temper. I had been giving Jeff everything that he asked for, and he had given me nothing in return. I wanted my best friend back so badly it haunted my dreams at night. I had dreamt of better times, and all of the days we spent talking and laughing. Then I realized what I should have understood sooner; taking all the abuse from Jeff in the world would not make him forgive me. If he did not want to be a part of my life, there was no forcing him. I could no longer hold on the belief that one day he would believe I was sorry, and we would rebuild what we lost. It had been eating me alive for years, and it was time to let it go completely.

For thirty days I fought the urge to call Jeff and tell him all that I was feeling. I knew that the conversation would turn ugly quickly, and I didn't want to ruin the stress free time I had with Geannie.

For thirty days I had leaned on a man who never once let me down. Dwayne and Steve were the only two that I talked to during my suspension. I had told Dwayne everything that was bothering me, and I was honest with him about everything that I was feeling for Jeff. Though I expected him to get upset, or tired from hearing all about it, he never did. I would talk with him for hours after shows and after Geannie fell asleep. I would tell him how I was feeling that day, and he would tell me how to make it better. Some days he would simply listen and only tell me that he loved me, or that I was a good person no matter what anyone was saying. He would whisper to me all the things I wanted to hear until I fell asleep.

The fights backstage had of course gotten out, and for wrestling fans, it was one of the biggest things to ever happen. There were articles, and chat rooms, and entire websites dedicated to what happened that night. Some things that were said were rude and mean, and hurt me. Those were the ones everyone had told me to ignore, but those were the ones that kept me up at night. Those comments were the ones that reminded of what Jeff had said to me, and why I had fought in the first place.

A noise right behind me brought me back from my thoughts. I opened my eyes and turned around to face Jeff. If I hadn't known what happened to him I would never have thought he had been beaten up a month ago.

"Looking better than the last time I saw you," I said casually. I was in no mood to fight, or have my day ruined.

"Took a bit for me to get back to normal. Dwayne nearly ripped my jaw straight off. It's still bothering me."

"What do you want Jeff?" I asked. I was not interested in giving him sympathy. I wanted to talk to him, but last thing I wanted was another out of ring fight. Especially not on my first day back.

"Just to talk a bit."

"Not to be mean, but talking has not worked for us real well lately. I want to talk Jeff, I do. I've wanted to talk since you came back. But I can't keep doing this anymore. What you said about me, and about my baby, they are unforgivable Jeff. I don't want to fight anymore. I am done with all this drama. You don't want me back in your life then that's how it will be." I gave him a small smile and a quick hug. "I have what I need in my life to be happy. I hope that you do too." I stepped around him and began to walk up the ramp. I hadn't been so relieved or happy in months. I had told Jeff that I didn't need him to be part of my life, and the best part about it was that it was true.

"Hey, don't I get a chance to say anything?" I turned to look at Jeff, and for the first time in our years of knowing each other I couldn't read his expression. His emotions seemed to be clouded over by something I had not seen before.

I shook my head and smiled again. "Not today, Jeffrey, not today."

"You look pretty happy about something," Shane said walking up to me.

"Not particularly. I'm just pleased with my life is all. What are you doing here? I thought you were taking time off from the road, staying in Stamford, and helping out there."

"After a month with you and Geannie, I kind of decided it was time for me to get back out here. No offense but you two girls can drive a man insane."  
"You needed a bit of a testosterone jolt?" I asked amused by Shane's reaction to having me around constantly for the last month.

"Something like that. I've got some backstage work to do tonight, I dropped Geannie off with Dwayne and Steve, she'll be happy there until you get back to her."

"Thanks Shane, do you want to take her tonight or should I?"

"I'll take her, give you a break from her. At least I got to work, you were with her all day, every day."

"And I loved it," I said broadening my smile.

"I know that you did, but she is half mine. I'll grab her once the show is over with."

"Sounds great, I'll see you then." I gave him a hug and walked back to the locker room.

The men were too engrossed in playing with Geannie, listening to her talk all about her toys that they didn't hear me open the door. I laughed to myself to see these two large, intimidating men folded on the floor smiling and laughing along with my little girl.

Geannie was a ham in all respects and she was lavishing the attention that was being paid to her.

I cleared my throat and laughed to see them both drop the dolls they were holding and turn around. "Well, well, well, are we having fun here?" I asked trying to stop myself from laughing to hard.

Geannie nodded and ran up to me. "We play mommy."

"That's nice sweetie. I'm glad everyone is having fun."

"We were just trying to keep her entertained," Dwayne said. "We didn't want her to start crying or anything like that."

"You don't actually think I would- I mean we- you don't-" Steve stammered throwing the doll he still had in his lap into the bag of toys that was near him.

"Right Steve, whatever you say," I laughed a bit harder and sat down. "Hey butterball come here," I patted the seat next to me, and watched a mass of curls bounce up and down running next to me. "Daddy is going to get you tonight, you are gonna sleep with him tonight."

Geannie nodded and gave me a hug.

"So if you aren't with Pebble tonight, do you think maybe we can go out and get some dinner? I'd like to do something other than eat some room service," Dwayne said smiling at me.

"Sounds great to me."

I honestly and truly had not been as relaxed as I was at that moment. I looked down at the time and realized that my match would be on soon. Not wanting to get warned by the stagehand I got up and waited by the gorilla position backstage.

"Mind if I walk you out?"

I didn't have to turn to know who it was. "Sure Matt, I'd like that. Especially since we are still keeping up with the team extreme line."

"I missed you while you were out," he said to me in a saddened tone.

"I missed you too."

"Why didn't you tell me what was going on with you and Jeff? I could have stopped him, or talked to him."

"Matt, it was between me and him. I didn't want to get you in the middle."

"Kayla, I'm your friend, always. You don't have to think that you can't tell me something because it has to do with Jeff."

"Thank you Matt, and I don't feel that way. I just didn't want to put you in an awkward position."

"You know he feels awful about what he said to Amy."

"Matt, let's not do this, not now."

I was thankful that my music hit and I could stop the conversation. I soaked up the cheers from the crowd, loving that I was back once more. This was where my life was, this was who I was. I was everything that the fans wanted me to be. I could step through the curtain and become someone else for twenty minutes, forget the days problems, and release all the stresses.

I found myself putting more into the match than I had in over two years. I pulled out every trick and every move I knew. Making the match one that brought fans on a rollercoaster ride of excitement. I fed off the screams, knowing that soon enough I would be handed the woman's belt. I got the win and waved and smiled to the crowd.

This night would be one I would always remember, it felt like my first time in the ring all over again.

"Kay honey, let me talk to you for a quick second," Vince called me over to him before I could go back to the locker room to shower.

"Hey Vince what's going on?"

"You were right, you're better than you've ever been before."

"I told you that you wouldn't regret giving me the time off." I smiled at him and gave him a hug.

"I'm moving up your title win, next pay per view, it's yours."

"But that's in like two weeks, I'm not supposed to get it for another two months."

"Sweetie with the way you performed tonight, you holding the belt can spark interest in the women's division to a new level. I have full faith in you to make this title run one worth remembering."

"Thank you so much Vince!" I hugged him once more, and ran to the locker room, wanting to shower and go tell Dwayne the amazing room.

The fact that I was going to win the belt sooner than expected made the night between Dwayne and I even better.

"I'm very proud of you baby, and I think that we should go back to the hotel room, and I can show you how proud I am." He winked and smiled at me as we finished dessert.

We laughed and continued our playful flirting all the way to the hotel. The celebration was ended short when I saw Jeff waiting outside my room.

I stopped short and Dwayne ran into me, not understanding why I stood frozen until he saw Jeff sitting in front of my door. I could feel every body in his muscle tense and grabbed his arm before he could move.

I pulled him down to me and whispered in his ear. "Turn around and go back to your room." I looked up and searched his eyes that were flaming, furious that I had told him to leave. "Rocky baby, I mean it. Go and wait for me in your room. You know if you attack him now you won't have a job. Turn and go to your room."

Jeff saw the two of us and walked over cautiously with his hands raised in the air.

"I just want to talk I swear. I'm not here to fight."

I nodded my head. "I'll be right there Jeff." I turned around in Dwayne's arms and put my hands on his shoulders. "You don't need to worry about me anymore. I'll be alright with him." I gave him a kiss and stroked his cheek. "Go and wait for me."

Dwayne nodded and reluctantly turned and walked away.

I sighed and walked over to Jeff who was waiting silently, looking apprehensive and nervous.

"Now on to you Jeff. Why are you stalking me?" I asked crossing my arms and staring at him.

"I'm not stalking you Kay. I was trying to get you to talk to me before, and that didn't work. So I figured I'd wait for you here."

"Jeff what is so important that you are following me around?"

"Not here in the hallway, can we go inside?" He asked me pointing to the room.

I nodded and opened the door. I motioned for him to step in and he did. I closed the door and turned to face him. "Now will you tell me?" I asked again.

Jeff looked at me, he was trying to figure out what exactly to say. He kept opening and closing his mouth.

"Well? Are you going to say something or are you going to stand there not saying anything?"

Jeff shrugged his shoulders, inching closer to me without any words. I knew those movements, and it made me nervous. I moved back until I was backed up against a door. I had no more room to move, and Jeff was still getting closer. I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell him to stop, or to leave. Instead I stood there quiet, and nervous, I was rooted to that spot in the floor.

Jeff was so close to me I could feel his breath against my face. He lifted up his hands and brushed my hair off of my cheek, tucking it behind my ear. It was something he used to do all the time when we were together. I was hoping that either of us would find our voice, and break the spell that we were both under. Nothing came out of my mouth as he stroked my cheek, and ran his finger over my lips. He wrapped one arm around my waist drawing me closer to him. He leant down and put his lips on mine backing us both back against the door. I tried to break the kiss, but everyone time I would, Jeff would simply come right back and kiss me again.

He finally let go of me and back up to look at me. I wished that I could say something, or even move. My body was frozen in shock from what had just transpired. My heart pounded as Jeff continued to stroke my cheek, and trace my lips.

"I still love you Kayla, as much as the day I left," he finally said in a heart breaking tone.


	13. Redemption 13

"Kayla, will you please say something?" Jeff asked after five minutes of silence.

I hadn't said a word since he kissed me, and I was no closer to finding my voice. He had kissed me on the corners of my mouth a few times, still holding me, and still tracing my face. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say

I always felt guilty that I could not give Jeff the love and attention he had given me for so long. He had loved and supported me through an extremely tough time in my life. I wanted to give everything back to him. The problem was that all he wanted was my love. Jeff had only ever asked for my heart, something that I was never able to fully give him. I was unsure of what to say to him, waging a war within myself.

Part of me wanted to tell Jeff that I loved him back, just to make up for all the pain. I wanted to take away all the pain that Jeff felt, and all of his sadness. It ripped me apart inside knowing that I would have to see pain written all over him if I were to tell him I did not love him. At that moment I would have given anything I had to be able to tell Jeff all of the things that he wanted to hear from me. I felt guilty looking into his green eyes. For the first time in years I saw the old spark in them. There was no more hate, no more jealousy, and no more pain. I only saw Jeff, the passionate, creative, free spirit I had come to love as my brother.

"Jeff," I said quietly pushing him back a bit further. "We can't do this."

"Kay I love you, I want you. I don't know how else to say it."

"No, Jeff, it can't be like this," I walked by him and sat on the couch. The guilt and stress from what was happening was weighing on me, and my knees were beginning to buckle.

"Kayla we can be happy together again. We were so happy once, and I let all that slip away. I know that. It was my fault, I left you I know that. I broke your heart when I just disappeared on you like that. But I can make it right, we can make it right."

"No Jeff, we can't do that. There is no making things right here." I rubbed my face trying to make this situation go away. I didn't want to tell Jeff that I no longer loved him. I did not want to be the one that broke his spirit all over again.

"There has to be."

"I'm sorry, there isn't. There are some things that can't be fixed, and some wrongs that just can't be righted. The way you treated me, the things that you said about my baby girl. None of that can go away Jeff. I've been hurt too deep for it to just heal over."

"But we can work on all of that. I can spend my life making it up to you. If you just let me I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

"No Jeff."

"Kay I won't leave you like I did before. I won't hurt you anymore. Please just trust me. We can make this work."

"I'm sorry Jeff but we can't."

"Why not?" Jeff did not quite yell, but he was emotional and raising his voice. His desperation, and exasperation was evident.

I flinched at his outburst. I had been on the receiving end of his temper before, and I did not want to go back there. Jeff saw me jump and sat down next to me. He sighed, taking my hands in his forcing me to look at him.

"Kay baby I know that I have done and said a lot of stupid things. I know that what I said to Amy was so wrong. I should have never said any of those things. But I never once said a bad word about your little girl. I was angry with you and I went to the one person I knew would share my anger. It was wrong and petty, but I did it. I know that you are none of the things that I have been saying about you."

"Then why say them Jeff? I was angry with you for the way you were acting, but I never once bad mouthed you, or said things about you that were untrue."

"No, you just hurt my chances of ever having kids very greatly."

I gave him a bit of a smile. "I was always more of a physical type of person, never took much interest in words."

"You always struck me as both. Somehow you always know the right thing to say and when to say it. I got caught up in a game that you weren't even playing. I wanted to hurt you Kay. I wanted to see you suffer, I really did. I saw you with Dwayne and I- I just," Jeff trailed off unsure of how I would react to what was being said.

"I know how you felt Jeff," I said quietly. "I kept away from Dwayne for years for you."

"What?" Jeff's shock was more then apparent to me. No matter how many times I had told him this before he never wanted to believe me. He had never wanted to calm down long enough to listen to me, only wanted to stay angry and upset.

"Jeff I put my life on hold when you left," tears began to fall from my face thinking of that time. "Rocky- after you got on the plane- he asked me- " I stopped talking, unable to get out what I had started to say. I had never really admitted to anyone that Dwayne had proposed to me. Dwayne and I had honestly never sat and talked it through. It was an incident that we had constantly stepped around and overlooked. I didn't know how to tell all of this to Jeff. I knew that it would hurt him.

"What did he ask?" Jeff asked me seeming too curious to want to wait for me to finish on my own.

"He asked me to marry him."

"He did? What happened?"

"I walked away from him. I never answered him, never talked to him about it. I avoided him for months Jeff, wouldn't see him or talk to him," I let out a long sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. "I was so afraid that you would show up a week later and think that you didn't matter to me. I just kept thinking over and over how I had to show you how much you- "

The emotion was too much for me to handle, and my words choked in my throat as the tears fell freely from my eyes. My body began to shake from the sobs. I had let go of Jeff, the man that had returned from his two year absence from the WWE. But I had never let go of my best friend, the one man that I had always been able to count on. He would always mean more to me than anyone would truly know, and reliving the abandonment I felt then had brought me back to tears. I felt Jeff's arms slip around me and pull me into his chest. I found the familiar comfort that I had relied on for so long. His was the chest that I cried on when things went wrong with Matt, whenever my family had gotten the best of me. I held onto him when things had gone wrong with Dwayne. Here I was again leaning on him to get a hold of my emotions.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. I'm here now." He said cupping my face once more.

Before I could react to what was happening his lips were on mine again causing that same paralyzing feeling throughout my body. The feel of his lips again mixed with my tears brought about a reaction that I never thought I would have towards him. I layed my hand on his thigh and deepened the kiss before fully thinking it through. I felt Jeff snake his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him. And as closely as I had thrown myself into the kiss I pulled away from him.

"Kay, what is going on here? One minute you say that we can't do this, and the next minute you are initiating it." Jeff ran his hand through his hair trying to regain some form of composure.  
I shook my head not knowing exactly what to say to him. I knew that I was confusing him; I was confusing myself. Every part of my body wanted to give in to him at that moment. Every part of me brain, and my heart told me it was wrong, and a gargantuan mistake. No matter what I wanted to convince myself of I was not in love with Jeff and that would always be true.

"I don't understand it Kayla, I really don't. I know that what I did was wrong. And I know coming in here and kissing you is probably making things worse; but when you go and kiss me like that- " Jeff stopped talking dropping his head.

"I'm sorry," I finally said regaining some control over my senses.

Jeff's head snapped up and looked straight at me. He seemed to have remorse, or pain on his features. "I don't want you to be sorry. I'm not sorry. Not for those kisses anyway. It proves that you still love me."

I nodded my head and smiled at him. "You are right Jeff I do love you. I've always loved you, that was never the problem between us."

"Then what was? Why did all of this happen?"

"We aren't meant to be together Jeff. We're better friends than we are lovers."

"That isn't true. We are amazing together, I love being with you. I've never fallen out of love with you. How can say that?"

"It's true Jeff. We fall into a familiar routine, and it feels like we're just friends all over again."

"Friends don't have the kind of spark between them that we have between us."

"I want there to be sparks Jeff, I want them so bad that I'll imagine them there. But at the end of the day – "

"Don't say it Kayla," he said stopping my sentence. "It isn't true. There is more than one man that can make you happy. More than Rocky. You just have to give it a shot."

"I did Jeff, we did. It didn't work."

"I know you love me Kayla, You said it yourself."

"I do love you Jeff, I love you so much I gave up the one thing that I honestly and truly wanted in this world. I wanted to marry him Jeff I really did. And if I were concentrated on someone other than you I might have just said yes."

Jeff was dumbfounded by what I had just told him, unsure of how to react. He stood there his mouth slightly open and his eyes conveying his confusion.

"I love you like I love my own family," I continued on. "I would lay my life on the line for you Jeff, and never once regret it because I know you are worth it. Who you are, and how you've been acting these past weeks, this isn't you. I know you Jeff, I've known you for years. I know how sweet, and kind, and passionate you are. I know that deep inside you never hated me, you just found it easier to be angry. And right now I would find it easier to tell you that we could try again and that I am madly in love with you,"

"I'm hearing a but in that sentence and I'm not sure I honestly want to hear it."

"But it wouldn't be fair to you. I can't give you what you want Jeff."

"I just want you, it's all that I've ever asked for."

"And that's what I can't give you. Even when I was with you I wasn't completely with you."

"Because you were trying to get over Dwayne."

"That's just it, I'll never be over him Jeff. I'm not doing this to hurt you, I'm doing this to save you."

"How exactly are you saving me? How are you helping anything when all you want to do is reject me?"

"This is not about rejection Jeff!" My voice rose from my annoyance. I knew that he was upset and would not want to accept any of what I was saying; but it was so hard to get him to understand what had taken me years to accept myself.

"Then please tell me what exactly what is this all about?" Jeff raised his own voice to match my tone. "Tell me what is going on here because I'm not sure anymore.!"

"Honestly I'm not sure Jeff. I didn't expect you to show up here, I didn't expect you to keep kissing me either. And it just- "

"It just what?"

"It brings back better times. Times when we were both happy, and I want to give that back to you."

"So then why can't you? If you want to give it back to me why don't you?"

I sat on the couch quiet, not wanting the words that were rattling around in my head to come out of my mouth. I knew that it would all sound so harsh and sent Jeff reeling.

"Kay why don't you? If you want to then why can't it happen?"

"I don't love you Jeff," I blurted out with a bit of too much edge on my voice. I did not want to hurt him, but the stress of the conversation was starting to show.

"That isn't true. You said before that you- you said it before – " Jeff stared at me wide eyed, the pain taking over his normally relaxed personality. His body tensed and I could tell that he was fighting back his own tears.

"I love you as my own family Jeff, a brother, and a friend, but nothing more. I love you Jeff but I'm not in love with you, and I haven't been for a very long time."

"But you gave up marrying Dwayne for me."

"I did that because I felt guilty about everything. But I realized while I was on suspension that it wasn't all my fault. No one told you to overreact and storm out, and there was no one forcing you to leave. Most of all it was not my fault that you couldn't handle working with me when you got back. Anger is always easier to feel, it keeps you alive; but only for so long. It will eat you up and change you into someone unrecognizable if you let it, and I don't want that to happen to you. I am in love with Rocky, more than anyone will know. He gives me something that I haven't felt with anyone. I feel alive and free with him Jeff. He brought me back when I had shut myself off after you left. He's given me everything I've ever asked for and more. I want to make him happy for the rest of my life."

"I guess I can't compete with that." Jeff said quietly with a defeated smile on his face. "Just so you know that's how I feel about you, I'll always feel that way about you."

"And you deserve someone who can return those feelings. Like you said there are other people out there who can make you happy, you just have to give it a shot."

"I want a shot with you though," Jeff hugged me, this time making no move to kiss me just hold me. "I know that I can make you happy."

"You already have. I love having you in my life Jeff, and I felt like a big piece of me was missing when you weren't around."

"I don't know if I'm quite ready to walk back into your life and see you have this little happy family I'm not part of."

"You can take as long as you want. Let's just promise no more fighting."

"I can manage that darlin' with out any problems. Are you sure you won't change your mind?"

"Jeff I've tried to before and it doesn't work. Rocky is my other half. I need him more than anyone else. Without him I just don't make sense."

"Right, well I'm going to go then. I'll see you around I guess."

"We're still doing team extreme, you'll see me often enough."

"Let me have a bit of time to get used to all of this."

"All the time you need Jeff. Just don't hate me, or be angry with me. If I could love you the way you love me I'd be right here by your side without hesitation. I can't lead you on though Jeff."

"I'm glad that you haven't. I know I had your shot with you, it'll just take time to get over."

"How's Matt?" I asked remembering that he seemed none to please with Jeff that night.

"I'm on my hands and knees begging him to not be angry with me. He's still very possessive of you, and boy did I get an earful when he found everything out."

"It'll come around in time," I told him truthfully. "Matt always forgives you, he just can't help it."

"That's what brothers do," Jeff shrugged his shoulders knowing eventually Matt would forgive all of his misguided and cruel actions. "I'm going to get out of here, and go back to my room. Let you live out the rest of your life in peace."

"I hope that one day you'll be part of my life Jeff. You're my best friend and I need you too you know."

"Just not the way that I need you," he pulled me into another hug and toyed with the hem of my shirt. He shook his head and let go of me. "I need to go before I do something that I regret."

"Couldn't be any worse than what you've done already."

"I really don't want to test that theory. I really need to go, I've done and said enough."

I nodded and walked with him over to the door. As he put his hand on the doorknob he turned to me with the saddest expression I had ever seen on his features.

"I know that I can't have you Kay, but can I have one more kiss? Like we used to have, to take with me?"

"Jeff, I don't know."

"Please Kay," he had turned to fully face me, brushing my hair back and staring at my lips. "Just one last kiss," he whispered moving closer to me.

Before I could say another word Jeff sent his mouth crashing onto mine with more passion than I had ever felt from him. I put my hands on his arms to keep myself from buckling underneath the kiss he was giving me. He backed us against the door using one hand to steady us as I tried to keep my wits about me. Everything was happening too quickly for me to have a proper reaction. My head screamed to stop him before things got out of hand, but my body screamed to stay with him. I gave into my body's command as Jeff opened my mouth slowly to slip his tongue inside. I involuntarily let out a soft moan pushing Jeff back a bit, but not enough to break our kiss.

"Tell me stop and I will," he whispered against my lips as his free hand began to roam under my shirt, he lips connecting with mine again.


	14. Redemption 14

I tried to regain my wits, and get hold of the burning desire that seemed to be making its way through my entire body. I could not do this to Jeff, I could not do this to Dwayne. No matter what happened in the past I would not repeat the same mistakes again.

I took a deep breath, fighting back the urge to keep moaning at the satisfying feeling of Jeff's hands rubbing up and down my back. "No," I said weakly shaking my head and pushing Jeff back a bit. I needed space from him to clear my head. "I can't do this Jeff."

"You seemed to be enjoying," he said still breathing heavy. His eyes were clouded over, and his expression was one of pure lust and desire.

"I'm not doing this to him Jeff. And I won't lead you on like that."

"Oh but you could do it to me? What stopped you from sleeping with him when you were with me?" He seemed to be switching personalities again. He was no longer the sweet laid back Jeff that I had known for years. Here standing before me once more was the raging monster that I did not recognize. Or did I? As much as he wanted to be angry at my rejection there was more behind his piercing gaze.

"You're hurt," I said simply. It was not a question, or a comment. It was the plain and simple truth. "I see it in you Jeff, you can't hide from that. The truth is that you kept me from sleeping with Dwayne that night. I knew you were upstairs waiting for me and it ate me alive. When I tried to tell you about what happened I just couldn't. I saw you there sleeping with Geannie. You looked like you wanted to be her father more than anything."

"That's because I did. I was so happy when she was born. I thought that she would be the most important thing in our lives. I thought that we would be happy as a family. Of course Shane would be around for her, and I wouldn't interfere. But I saw that little girl as mine. Part of me still does," he finished quietly. He had never before admitted that to anyone, and I could see the defeated look in his eyes as he went back and sat on the couch.

I sighed and followed him. This was the conversation that we had never had. This was the truth that I had wanted to tell him for years. "I saw your face that night and I knew I couldn't break your heart. I knew that you were more in love with me than I could ever be with you. You lay there next to me telling me how you loved me. You thought I was asleep but I heard you. I just stayed awake hoping that I could find some way to make it better. I wanted to stay with you Jeff, I really did. I wanted to be able to love you the way you had loved me. I thought that if I stayed around long enough maybe I could learn to love you." I wanted to end the conversation, and just leave it at that. I was remembering how hard it had been, on the both of us, the very next day. But part of me knew that if I didn't relive that one day, we would be caught in the same loop of anger and regret. I had no more energy to keep going the way we were so I take one more deep sigh and continued on trying to keep control of my emotions. "You were always so wonderful to me, and I didn't know what to say. I cried to Steve the next morning telling him that as much as I loved Dwayne I did not want to hurt you. I had no clue what to say, or what to do, I just knew that I had to figure something out."

"But for me to find out the way that I did." For the first time since sitting down on the couch I turned to look at Jeff. He looked worn out and older than his age. The stress of the entire situation seemed to age him ten years as I looked upon the havoc I had wreaked inside of him. His head still hung between his arms and legs. And I had trouble believing that the man sitting next to me was truly Jeff Hardy.

"That was not my choice Jeff. That was Dwayne being extremely rude and selfish. I called him on it and as you know we didn't talk for a long while after that. If I could take that back I would Jeff. It just doesn't change the fact that we wouldn't be together. Whether it was a week later or six months later, it would have ended either way."

"But I loved you Kay, I still love you. Why isn't that enough for you?"

"Jeff, you are enough for me, in fact I probably don't deserve someone as great as you. The problem is that I am not enough for you. What I can give you is not enough for a relationship to work. I loved our friendship, and how open and candid we were with each other. That is what I miss most between us."

"Then what was that, at the door, between us," he waved a hand to the door and shook his head before giving me one more piercing stare.

"I'm not exactly sure, but I know that it wasn't love. We've always had a connection between us, a physical one, it just came out I guess."

"So even after all of that you're telling me that you don't love me?"

I shook my head and put my hand on his leg. "No, I'm saying I'm not _in _love with you."

Jeff nodded and stood. "I really should go now. I have my answer."

"Jeff," I called before he could open the door. "Are we ok? I mean you and me we- we can still be friends right?" I asked nervously. The thought of losing him after finally getting him to open back up to me was excruciating. I was terrified that there would be nothing more to do than cut him out of my life completely.

"Maybe one day. I just need some time." He gave me a small smile that he couldn't quiet pull off all the way and slipped out the door.

I sighed and slumped down on the couch feeling my body drain of energy. My emotions had gotten the better of me; and keeping them inside for most of the conversation had worn my body out. I knew that Dwayne would be worrying about me until I called him and told him everything. The thought of telling him exactly what happened with Jeff was more than I could handle at the moment. Just the thought of seeing him wild eyed and completely livid made me exhausted. I knew that even if I wanted to go and fall into Dwayne's arms I needed time to recover. There was too much flying through my mind, and most of it was still barely processed. All that Jeff had said to me still bounced around my head causing the guilt to rise up. I wondered why he hadn't just told me everything before things got this bad. At the same time I cursed myself for not seeing exactly how badly I had damaged him. Jeff was always there for me, even if he didn't agree with my actions, or words. When he walked away at the airport was the first time that he had ever turned his back on me. I knew that he was hurt, and angry, I just was completely unsure of how to right all the wrong that I had done to him. Even after nearly three years of him not being in my life, I still yearned to see him smiling and waiting for me at every arena. I missed sitting with him on planes, and having late night dinners. Jeff was privy to more personal information about me than anyone else I knew. And now it seemed that our relationship may have been permanently destroyed.

I sighed and slipped into my pajamas turning off my phone. I did not want any more interruptions from the rest of the world. I was worn and tired, and had lost my best friend. I wanted to crawl into the hotel bed and hide under the covers until I was needed the next day. But even after I was under the covers I could not bring myself to fall asleep. My mind was racing with some of the things that Jeff had said. My skin was still hot from where he had held on to me, and touched me. As tired as my body was between my match and the talk with Jeff, my mind was unwilling to let me sleep. My thoughts stayed with Jeff, and the picture I had of him looking so tired and worn out. Life on the road was hell and could bring even the strongest people to their knees begging for a reprieve. And as Jeff sat on the couch next to me I could see the stress of this life wearing him thin. I could see the pieces that he had tried so hard to hold together start to crack all over again. He was heading for the breakdown that he should have had when we had first parted ways. I could see in his eyes the pain that he was experiencing. It seemed like it was having more of an effect on him than anyone knew. After years of masking every other emotion that he had with that of pain, Jeff was finally ready to feel something else. But now I felt guilty; I had done this to him, I was the cause of this whole mess between us. We seemed to be worlds apart now, and no matter how hard I tried to close the gap between us, Jeff kept the distance between us. This night was the first night that he had touched me in any other way besides grabbing hold of my arm and dragging me somewhere. He was warm and gentle, everything I had remembered him to be. For a minute or two I had my Jeff Hardy back. I saw a glimpse of my dearest friend before he retreated back into his shell. As much as I wanted to blame him I couldn't. I was the one who put him there, I was the reason that he had withdrawn into himself in the first place.

A frantic knocking at the door tore me away from my train of thought. I thought about ignoring it completely, far too comfortable in the bed to want to get out; but the knocking and worried voice calling my name told me that I needed to get it.

"I'm coming," I called out to get the constant pounding to stop. "I'll be right there," I called once more realizing that there would be no stopping the banging. "Look here I am, what's the big emergency?" I asked swinging open the door standing face to face with Steve.

"I thought you might need a friendly voice, someone to talk to." Steve looked around me and motioned inside the room. "Think I can come in, or are you going to leave your big brother standing out here looking foolish?"

"Come on in Steve," I said laughingly moving aside so he could walk in. "So what are you doing here? It's pretty late; I thought you'd be asleep by now old man."

"Watch who you're calling old man Kay. Besides I have a very reliable source that says you've had an interesting night and could use some company while you sort it through."

"Did Dwayne tell you something?"

"Nope, Rocky's got nothing to do with it. He's in his room wondering why your phone is off, and you haven't gone to see him."

I groaned and sat down on the couch. This was what I didn't want to deal with at the time. There was too much to explain, and no right way to go about explaining it all. "I know he is, but I can't deal with him tonight Steve. I've already gone through too much with Jeff."

"I know you have baby, that's why I told Dwayne that you'd be seeing him in the morning."

"Wait you did what? How do you know about my night with Jeff? Steve why are you even here?" I suddenly realized that this man knew too much even when I hadn't been the one to say a word to him.

"Well that's a kinda funny story."

"Spill it, old man."

"I'm telling you Kay watch who you're calling old man. I'm just as strong as I was twenty years ago."

"Yeah, Steve in your little fantasy world maybe. Now come on tell me what's going on here," I paused and emphasized the last two words. "old man."

Steve laughed and shook his head sitting next to me. "Before I tell you that, I just need to ask you one question. How you feeling Kayla? Are you holding up ok after all of this?"

My first initial reaction was to say yes. It was always to say yes. No one needed to know if I was feeling stressed, or hurting. I would be able to hold myself together. It's what my brain always told me whenever someone asked how I was coping. The only problem was that my heart swelled with guilt, and pain. I knew that if I didn't talk to someone I would wind up brawling backstage once more. And as great and personal with the boss may be, I knew that it would cost me my job.

"I'm not really sure. I know that I'm not going to lose it again. But I also know that I feel terrible. I am so afraid that Jeff is going to walk out of my life again. And as weird as it is I want him here. Even if we are fighting every day, at least he's here. At least I can see him and speak to him in some way. I know that I hurt him, and things can't just fix themselves, I just want him back."

"In what way?" Steve asked me.

"My friend, I want my friend back. We've been friends for years, and I can't make sense of my life without him. There's just this big gaping hole in me, and he's the one that fills it."

"Well I think there is your problem. He's over the moon in love with you Kay, and it's not hard to know why. I've been so protective of you all these years because I knew what would happen. Your electric Kay, everything about you is stunning and fun to be around. People don't just get one small dose of you and walk away, they want more. You make people happy whenever you are with them. Jeff fell in love with that spirited, high flyer, and he can't just turn it off. He isn't going anywhere sweetie he just needs his time to get over you."

"Steve you just used his real name not 'skittle head', or 'rainbow headed freak', you actually called him Jeff."

"Well don't get used to it. Rainbow bright there still isn't on my list of favorite people if you know what I mean."

I laughed, only Steve could be sensitive one moment, and then become the tough red neck the next moment. "Yes Steve I know what you mean. You still haven't told me the story of how you fell privy to this information. I answered your question now answer mine old man."

"Fair enough, but no more calling me old man."

"I promise," I held up my hand and smirked. "Old man."

Steve growled something that I couldn't quite understand before smiling and telling me what had happened.

"Well imagine my surprise when I hear all this banging on my hotel room door in the middle of the night. Now you know I'm not one to be woken up." I nodded my head, Steve was dangerous when woken up from a sound sleep. "So I'm ready to pound the first person I see for getting me out of bed. And I swing open the door ready to bloody whoever is on the other side. Only I stop because there's this head of colorful hair in front of me. I'm so surprised by him being at my door that without realizing it my mouth slips and I call him 'skittle head' before I can stop myself. He gives me this sad laugh and asks to come in. Oh don't worry I was just as confused as you are at Rainbow Bright, himself, showing up at my door," Steve said looking at my expression which must have shown the extreme amount of confusion I was feeling. "I let him because I figure, if I have to kill him, at least I can do it in private."

"Steve as amusing as this is, can we get to the point?"

"The point is he told me what happened between the two of you. He told me that you'd need someone to lean on right now. He's worried about you, just like you're worried about him. That boy feels pretty bad about everything that happened between the two of you. He has to if he risked coming to see me about it."

"Why did he risk it?" I asked. I was so stunned by what Jeff had done. There was never a time when Steve was every friendly or inviting in any way. "He knows that you honestly don't like him."

"Yeah there's just something about all that hair, and all those different colors, I'll never understand it." Steve trailed off and stared into space beginning to think over why Jeff's hair was the way that it was; trying to see if he could try to gain even a fraction of understanding about it.

"Steve back on track."

"Oh right, why did he do it? Because he loves you Kay, it's pure and simple. No matter what happened between the two of you tonight, he knows that you did the right thing. He just wishes that he could be the one to always make you happy."

"Are you getting soft on me in your old age Steve? You actually took a liking to Jeff."

"Not a chance on earth or in hell I took a liking to that kid. I just see where's he's coming from that's all. He threw himself at my feet, and begged forgiveness for his stupidity, and begged me to drag myself over here to talk to you."

"Whatever you say old man. The only thing that I can't seem to wrap my head around is trying to explain to Dwayne everything that happened."

"You know that you are going to have to. I asked Jeff if he was going to talk to Rocky, he said no, that was your job. Told me the only reason he talked to me was to make sure that I came over here and made sure you were alright."

"I know that I need to. I just don't know how to go about it. There is so much bad blood between him and Jeff, one mention of him and Rocky's blood is already boiling."

"Kay I suggest that you get it over with now, before you talk yourself out of it."

I nodded my head and stood up. Steve was right. If I waited till morning I would find some reason to not tell Dwayne what happened. I had to talk to him while I was crazy enough to actually go through with it.

"You are right, so out you go. Get yourself back to bed and rest those old bones." I left the room behind Steve who was still muttering some curses under his breath about me calling him old all night.

I made my way down to Dwayne's room not really thinking about what I was doing. I couldn't think about it, or I would back out. He needed to know the truth, he deserved to know what happened between Jeff and I. I felt as if I had aged a decade in a matter of moments as I stood in front of Dwayne's door. I stood there and stared at the door, still not sure that I could actually have this conversation after the already draining evening I had. But I thought about Jeff. If he had been a big enough man to go to my brother, who abhorred him, I could go to Dwayne.

"You can do this Kay, you can do this. This is the only night that you'll be able to do this. Knock just knock. All you have to do is put your fist to the door. You can do it," I took a deep breath ready to knock when the door swung open and my fist collided with Dwayne's chest.

"Oh Rocky, sorry, I was just about to knock when you opened the door."

"Kay, baby, I was just going to go to your room to see you. What happened? You said a few minutes it's been hours. I was so worried. Why did you turn of your phone? Why didn't you call me? Did he do anything to upset you?"

"Whoa Rocky, easy boy, I can only answer one question at a time."

"Right sorry, so what happened?"

"Let's go inside and we'll talk. There's a lot that I need to tell you."


	15. Redemption 15

I rolled onto my side and looked at the clock. Two in the morning. I sighed and got up to check on Geannie. I knew that she would be sound asleep. She was never one to wake up in the middle of the night. She was always a sound sleeper. But it always made me feel better to know that she was safe and sound when I was having a sleepless night. I smiled when I opened the door to her bedroom. Even though we traveled constantly Shane insisted on making sure that she had her very own room decorated and filled with all the things a little girl could want at our place back in Connecticut. It was nights like these that I was grateful that I let Shane talk me into it. It gave Geannie the sense of home and familiarity that she needed at her young age. She knew that when she went into her room and played with all of her toys that this was her home, this was where she could always find peace, and solace.

I made my way to the kitchen and opened the fridge trying to find something to eat that wouldn't throw me off my diet completely. I tended to eat all the wrong things when I was having a hard time dealing with my life. And for the past two weeks I had been finding it increasingly difficult to deal with the mess that was becoming my daily life. That was why I was home. My concentration had slipped during one of my matches; Going back to the night that I had to tell Dwayne everything about Jeff. I knew better than to focus on my personal life inside the ring. But as I stared at Matt cheering me on, Jeff still keeping his distance from me, I felt a deep longing for the two men that meant most to me throughout everything I had experienced in my life. And as hard as I tried to keep my mind focused on my match and the power move that was being done to me, I began to think about all that had changed, and gone wrong over the past few days.

I laughed to myself a bit, and shook my head, as I decided to grab a bowl of cereal for my middle of the night snack. I adjusted my knee brace and sat down at the table feeling the pain, and stiffness set in my knee for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

It was my own fault that I was like this. I should have stayed focused during my match, but instead I saw Jeff's broken face flash before my eyes, and the disappointment in Dwayne's eyes as I confessed everything to him. And without realizing it, I landed wrong, very wrong, after being suplexed. I still can't figure out how I managed to avoid serious injury to my ankle, and only slight injury to my knee. I would only need to miss one show. I'd be back wrestling with my knee the way it was. I knew that I could not afford to take any more time off after my suspension. One show was all that I could afford to miss. No one would think much of it if I were gone for a week. And needless to say the doctor was not happy about hearing my plans. My knee was still in a very fragile state, and if anything more were to happen to it, I would be looking at months off next time. But that didn't matter to me. I had a story line to do, and I had a belt to win at the upcoming pay per view. I needed to be there for the last RAW before No Way Out. And if I played my cards right, and worked harder than I ever had, it might just be possible to have my first major match on the greatest and grandest stage of them all, Wrestlemania.

Just the thought of performing at Wrestlemania was enough to drown out all other noises around me, as I wrapped myself up in thoughts of all that could possibly be. It was what all professional wrestlers hoped, and strived for; and now having it so close that I could practically taste it sent me into another world. I finished off my bowl of cereal and made my way back to my room. I wouldn't be able to sleep, I knew that. But I needed to get off my leg and rest. My knee was beginning to throb, and I needed to get any pressure off of it. I made my way to my bed, surprised that my cell phone was flashing. Who would possibly be up at this hour? Everyone I knew should, and normally would be sleeping. I sighed and grabbed my phone. For anyone to be calling at this hour it would have to be important. At least I hope it would be. I didn't even bother to check who the voicemail was from. I just simply dialed my voicemail and entered my password, floored to hear the voice on the other line.

Had I heard my phone, or stayed in my room, I would have leaped at my phone. I would have run the distance of the house on my bad knee to pick up the phone on time. It had been a week since I last heard his voice. It had been seven long days, and eight cold, lonely nights, since I had seen anything other than his back. I needed to hear his deep, rumbling voice, and I needed to feel his large arms wrap around mine. And what would I give for one of his amazing smiles? Ask me at two in the morning and I would always say the same thing each and every time; I would give all that I had to see him smile at me. Especially after having only one last picture of his hurt and saddened eyes staring at me from across the hotel room.

Nothing though could have possibly prepared me for what I heard as the message started. "Hey Kay, I know it's late. I uh- I guess- I- well I couldn't sleep." His voice was deeper than normal, a testament to being tired. But he was nervous and sad. He was still the same broken Dwayne that I left a week ago. Nothing had changed. I waited through a long pause until I heard a soft chuckle. "It was like this when things first went wrong and you walked out on me that one night. When I- I- I told you that I didn't want you to have anything to do with Steve, and then you went to Jeff. I'd sit up all night and just hold my phone wanting to call you so badly. I can't sleep without you by my side Kay." He let out a deep sigh, and sniffed. _Was he crying? My Rocky crying over what I've done to him, again? _"I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. I just- I ju- I- I miss you baby."

I let the phone hang in my hand as the automatic system went through all the options for the message. Eventually feeling my hand go slack and watching the phone fall to the floor. I had done it again. As hard as I tried not to, I had broken Dwayne's heart once more. The tears fell freely now that I was alone, and I had heard Rocky's voice so tired and broken. Exactly like the last time I had talked to him.

"_So are you going to tell me what happened tonight? You said that there was a lot to tell me, and now you're sitting here so quiet. I don't know what's worse. You quiet, or throwing and punching anything that moves."_

_I looked up from the spot that I was staring at in the floor, and smiled at Dwayne. He was right. I said I would talk and it had been at least five minutes of silence. It had taken me fifteen minutes just to get the courage to knock on the door. But I never thought about what I would say to him if I ever made it past stage one. _

"_You're right, I'm sorry. Ok let's do it this way. You ask me a question and I'll answer it. It'll start the ball rolling."_

"_Alright, let's start with why didn't you come back when you said you would?"_

_I sighed, this was going to be hard. "I couldn't face you, not after the whole thing with Jeff."_

"_Is that why you turned off your phone?"_

_I nodded. "I wasn't trying to ignore you Rocky, or get you nervous. I was only trying to get my head on straight. I just needed a bit of piece and quiet."_

"_What changed your mind?"_

_I laughed and leaned back against the couch. "Steve. Told me to come before I chickened out, and here I am. Only thing is I'm chickening out." _

_I felt the couch sink next to me, and warm hands rest on my thigh. The way he rubbed my thigh lightly while squeezing my leg every so often told me he was nervous. "Baby what do you mean chicken out? Chicken out of what?"_

"_Telling you what happened tonight."_

"_Did he yell at you again? Did he hit you?" _

_My head snapped up to stare at Dwayne, bewildered, and at a loss for words. Jeff may have done a lot of things, but hit me was something that he never once tried to do. Not even when I was on top of him punching him with all that I had did he try to touch me. I finally managed to shake my head and find my voice. Small and shaky as it was, I found my voice. "No Rocky, he never tried to hit me, he'd never do anything like that. Besides I'd beat him if he did."_

"_Hey," he patted my thigh and stroked my face. "You know that you can tell me anything. Whatever happened, it'll be alright. I'll be right here to make it alright."_

"_I wish that were true."_

_Tears started spilling out of my eyes. If only I could get him angry. A fight would be easier than knowing in a few moments I would send this man's heart crumbling into thousands of pieces. If only we could yell ourselves hoarse. Profanities and sarcasm would be easier to deal with than the soft, gentle strokes Dwayne was brushing against my face. _

"_It's ok Kay baby. Just calm down and tell me what's going on. You're worrying me, seeing you like this. What happened?"_

"_I- uh- I- something happened tonight Dwayne."_

_I heard the silence in the room as he stopped breathing for a few moments. He knew when I went from Rocky to Dwayne something was wrong. He knew from the way I was acting that many things were wrong. _

"_Jeff and I were talking. We didn't fight actually. I mean maybe we did a little bit, but not much. We didn't really fight. And it was the first time in so long. He actually told me how he was feeling. It was a real conversation."_

"_That's good though isn't it?" The response came slowly, and I knew he was confused. _

"_He kissed me." I felt his hand tighten on my leg, and his other hand stop the constant stroking of my face. I couldn't take it anymore. The light, intimate contact, the unconditional love that this man was showing, that he had always showed me no matter what. God knows that I was never worthy of anything close to that. I always managed to find some way to send it all down hill. I was meant to be alone. I deserved it, and the hurt look on my loves face was affirmation of that. Yet the way that Dwayne held onto me without a word made me want to wrap myself up in him. I wanted to lean closer and smell his cologne, and feel his skin. I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life. I had to get away from him. I would never tell him the truth if I was this close to him. _

"_I- don't- understand," Dwayne finally said slowly watching me pace the length of the hotel room. _

"_He told me that he still loves me as much as when he left."_

"_Was he trying to take you away from me? Was that what he was doing at your room?" _

_Dwayne was quiet, and unsure. Those were two things that I had rarely seen in him. But I could not pay attention to that at the moment. I needed to stay focused. I had to be honest with him about all that had happened in my hotel room. With all the man had done for me, sitting here being honest with him was what he deserved. _

"_It wasn't just once Dwayne. The first time I wasn't expecting it at all. I mean, I thought he hated me. But then we were talking and I- " my voice failed me as my head screamed at me to continue. I could feel the words, and the emotion build at the back of my throat. I wanted to tell him the truth, I needed to do it this time. I could spend the rest of my life begging for forgiveness; that did not matter to me. _

"_And you what Kay? What happened baby?"_

"_I kissed him Dwayne. It was a quick simple kiss and nothing more. I don't know why I did it, but I stopped as soon as I started."_

"_You kissed him?" I could only nod. If I were to open my mouth and try to speak all that would come out would be the sounds of sobs. "After all you and I have been through, he talks to you for how long and you kiss him? Why?"_

"_I told him that I don't love him, that I love you. I told him how much I want to be with you. I even told him how you proposed at the airport the day that he left. I never told anyone about that. I needed him to know how much I need you."_

"_But you kissed him."_

"_Dwayne, we talked for a long time about how he feels about me. Nothing changes how much I love you. It was a stupid, stupid mistake. I got caught up in hormones for a moment- or two," I said softly. _

"_Or two, what is that supposed to mean or two? The two kissed again after you kissed him?"_

"_He kissed me again, before he left my room."_

"_Did you kiss him back?" I nodded. "Did it go any further than that?" I shook my head. "Did you want it to?" I stopped pacing and looked at Dwayne. He was slouched against the couch. I knew every facial expression that this man had. I could tell in an instant how he was feeling- normally. But as I stood and looked at him, I couldn't tell what was running through his mind. His expression was hard, and distant. There was nothing familiar about the man who was sitting in front of me. I knew that the truth would crush him, but I couldn't lie to him. _

_I nodded my head and began a hasty explanation. "It wasn't like I really wanted to. It was just this physical thing. If I honestly, really, really wanted to I would have. I stopped him when he tried to bring it further. He's out of my life Dwayne. He knows that he can't have me back, and he walked out again. I don't know if he'll ever be back."_

"_If you want me around Kayla he won't be."_

_The sound of his voice shocked me. I had never heard him so cold and demanding. He knew that I did not do well with ultimatums; but here he was handing me one._

"_What exactly is that supposed to mean Dwayne?"_

"_After what happened between the two of you can you blame me? I don't want you anywhere near him. Team Extreme is over, working with him is over. You don't work with him, don't see him, and don't touch him."_

"_You have to be kidding me right? That storyline is the best thing to happen to me."_

"_How can you still defend him after what happened tonight? You come in here and tell me that the two of you kissed, and you wanted more- "_

"_I told you I didn't want anything more because I love you, because I am so madly **in** love with you. I would gladly give him up in a heart beat for you Rocky, but I don't have to. He isn't in my life, by his choice."_

"_So then no more story line."_

"_Dwayne that's my JOB! I can't sit here and tell you that I'll quit the story line. I know that what I did was stupid Rocky. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but please be reasonable."_

"_Be reasonable? You want me to be reasonable? You come in here and tell me that you kissed Jeff and you want me to be reasonable?" I smiled a small, sad smile. For some reason he could not stop repeating "be reasonable". Now I knew, I knew he was at a loss for how to act, and for what to say. _

_I risked sitting next to him and took his hand in my two smaller ones; breathing a sigh of relief when he didn't pull away. "I am so sorry. Fighting would be easier Rocky, I know that it would. I would much rather be screaming at each other than how we are right now. But it isn't going to help us deal with this."_

"_I can't deal with this."_

"_What?" _

"_I can't deal with this Kay. I can't do this- not right now. I need you to leave."_

"_Dwayne I- "_

"_No Kay," he let go of my hands, placing them back on my lap. "You need time to get yourself together, and so do I. I don't know what to think about all this but."_

"_Rocky I love you. I love you so much."_

_The tears began to fall freely unwarranted and completely unstoppable. The thought of Dwayne telling me to leave was more than I could handle. _

"_Kay you kissed another man, you wanted another man. I can't understand- I can't-," He let out a long sigh and ran a hand over his face. "I need you to go."_

_I nodded and stood up. He was right. How was he supposed to understand what happened between Jeff and I? How was he supposed to get past the fact that I did want Jeff? Whether or not it was pure lust, or not, I still wanted someone other than him for a fleeting moment. _

"_Call me when you're ready," I said in between the sobs that were beginning to shake me from head to toe. _

The sunlight streamed through the open curtains in my bedroom forcing me awake. Throwing my head under the blankets to get a bit more sleep did no good when I heard the familiar bouncing sounds making their way to my room. I tried to get a hold of what had happened. I must have cried myself to sleep judging by the way my hair was matted to the side of my face and the swelling of my eyes. My phone was still where I had dropped it, the phone call really did happen. Dwayne had finally called me.

"Mommy," the door opened and in ran Geannie. I laughed and opened my arms for her to jump into. It was the same routine every morning. If she was not jumping on top of me declaring herself hungry and wanting food, she was jumping on top of Dwayne or Shane, and probably Steve as well. She was the only one that could get away with waking him up so early without deadly consequence. "I want food."

I sighed and smiled. What I wanted was to be able to sit down and call Dwayne. Twenty minutes to tell him how much I loved him, and how I had missed him over the past week. I wanted to sleep some more, maybe cry myself back to sleep. But for now my focus was on my little girl. I had learned long ago that my life was no longer my own, but hers as well.

"Ok Butterball, let's get you some breakfast."

I checked the calendar and looked at the date. I was supposed to be out for another day and a half at least. That was the earliest I was allowed to come back, but the road called once more. I needed to talk to Dwayne, and doing it over the phone would not cut it.

I settled Geannie in to eat her breakfast and grabbed my phone. With Geannie in her high chair I had time to make the phone call I needed to make.

"Hey Vince, it's Kay, I need a favor, it's really important."

"Kay sweet heart is everything ok over there? Is anything wrong with my granddaughter?"

I laughed a bit. Vince was more the family man than any wrestling fan would know. "No she's fine, eating breakfast right now. I need tickets on the first flight out to where ever it is the show is tonight for Geannie and I."

"Kay you're supposed to be out for- "

"I know how long Vince, I'm the one wearing the brace. Please Vince, can you get it done or not?"

"Well of course I can sweetheart but don't for a second think you are competing. I can't afford to have you get hurt now. The writers have everything in place for your title reign, and pulling them in for overtime to work out something new is something that I'm not looking forward to."

I laughed at his tone of voice. It was a mix between over protective father, and a business man too worn out to pull in any more extra hours.

"I'm not thinking of competing Vince, I just need to get out there."

That was the only thought that ran through my head as I sat with Geannie on the plane ride across the states to Washington. Dwayne had called me, he had finally called me. I needed to be next to him getting him to listen.

I made the familiar trek backstage avoiding all the backstage chaos the best I could trying to find Vince's office for the night. I needed someone to watch Geannie for at least a half hour. I needed just a little bit of time with Dwayne to explain everything.

"Vince," I called watching him walk around a corner. I yelled just in time to catch his attention before he was out of range. I scooped Geannie up in my arms and ran over to him. "I know you're busy, but twenty minutes with her is all I ask. I need to find Dwayne. Things that I need to work out. Please."

"Of course sweetie, not a problem at all," he smiled at me and took Geannie off my hands. I mouthed thank you and began to run off. Vince yelling comments at me to stop running, and overworking my knee at my back.

I found the men's locker room and exhaled. This was my last chance, my one and only shot to finally get things right with Dwayne. And as suddenly as I had my hand on the door knob it was suddenly slipping away from me as I crashed to the floor. My brain was two steps behind my body. My head registered that I had been hit from behind while I saw someone grab my leg. I kicked them off before they could do any real damage by sheer instinct. Who was this who attacked me? Who was on top of me pounding my ribs into the hard cement beneath me? That's when the face came into view, with a look of vengeful rage etched into every feature.

"You?" It was the last word I said before a blanket of comforting black unconsciousness took me over.


	16. Redemption 16

Waking up in a hospital room brought about an eerie sense of déjà vu. I could not remember what had happened, only that I never got to do what I had rushed to the arena to do. A wave of panic rushed over me. I never got to talk to Dwayne. I had to get to him before I lost him for good. I couldn't let that happen to me. We had been through too much together for it all to end like this. All over one silly kiss. I had to get him to hear me out if I had to risk my own life to do just that.

I cringed at the pain that shot through my body as I tried to sit up. I was unsure of what happened to me. I remember nothing after my hand touched the door knob. I grunted, and looked over when I heard someone sit up beside me.

"Kay, lay back down it'll be too painful for you to sit up," Vince took my hand and smiled slightly. "Come on lay down. At least for right now,"

"Wha- what happened?" I listened to the gravelly sound of my own voice. That only meant that I had been out of it for a while.

"You hit your head on the floor pretty badly when you went down."

"Went down? What do you mean?"

Vince took my hand and sighed. I knew that was never a good sign. This man was not one to stall. If he had something to say he said it. He hated when people worked around their actual points and the only time he did was when there was something that he honestly did not want to say.

"Kay, do you remember anything that happened?" I shook my head and he dropped his eyes.

"Vince, just tell me. I have to know what's going on. Something is not right here. What aren't you telling me?"

"Honey, it was Amy."

"Amy?" My confusion shot up. How was it possible that it was Amy? She was still out on injury. She wouldn't be back for another few weeks. My outburst of rage had done more than its fair share of damage to her. "How could it be Amy?"

"She didn't even bother to hide it this time. She just stood over you watching you bleed. All she would say was that this time you had started it. We were really worried about you Kay honey."

"Vince how long was I out?"

"Don't concentrate on that."

"How long Vince?" As I looked at him I hoped that my eyes could convey everything my voice could not. I wanted to know the truth and I wanted him to stop beating around it.

"You don't need to think about that Kay. Just focus on getting better."

"Vince, tell me how long or I walk out of here."

"Three days on and off. Everyone has come by to visit at least once. Steve hasn't left your side since it all happened. He went to get some food but trust me he'll be back soon."

"Oh God, Vince what about Geannie? Where is she? How is she?"

"She's just fine sweetie. Dwayne took the week off, and he's been watching her night and day while Shane had to work. Between the two of them they have everything handled. I can't say that she isn't giving everyone a hard time. She really misses you."

"When can I get out of here?" Vince once more looked down without saying a word. "Vince what are you not telling me?"

"Honey, you have been in and out of consciousness because Amy gave you a pretty bad head injury. They've been watching the swelling in your brain to make sure that they don't need to do surgery. Luckily they haven't. But you're still going to need it."

"Why? I thought you just said-"

"Kayla, they haven't been able to operate because of your concussion. But you need surgery on your knee. When you fell you tore all your ligaments around your kneecap. You will need surgery this time. So I'm afraid that you aren't going anywhere. At least not for a few days."

I looked down at my legs for the first time. I let the tears fall down as I saw my leg wrapped in a brace. There was no denying it this time. I would need to take a good long break from the career that I loved so much. I could feel the bruises around my face and the stitches in the back of my head. Those would heal easily enough but it would take months for my leg to get back to normal.

"This is it isn't it?" I said quietly. "This is where my career ends."

"No Kay, it isn't. You can go on for as long as you like. There is no limit to what you can do."

I shook my head. "I always told myself that I would give my baby a home when she was old enough to need one. She's three. She's going to need one soon. I don't want to set her up with a home only to take it away a little while later. My baby is going to know a stable environment. Even if it takes ending my career to make it happen."

Vince nodded and stayed silent. There was nothing that anyone could say to me to make me change my mind.

I cleared my throat and forced myself to ask the one question that I was dreading the answer to. "Vince did Dwayne uh- did he stop by at all?" My voice was barely more than a whisper as too many emotions threatened to overwhelm me. There was so much that was about to change. I could not handle losing Dwayne on top of it all.

Vince went to go open his mouth when I heard an all too familiar voice from the door. "I had to kick him outta here just to get him to do his dang job." I smiled at Steve as I saw the grin stretch across his face.

"Hey old man. It's good to see you."

"I'm not old why won't you listen?" He walked over and squeezed my hand as he sat next to the bed. "It's real good to see you awake Kay."

"I'm leaving Steve."

"Leaving?" I stared into his eyes reading the confusion. "Leaving where?"

"The business. I'm quitting Steve."

"Why? Kayla this all that you and I ever lived for. We dreamed of getting where we are now. You want another title run. You can't just leave before all of that happens. You can't leave. I'm not ready to go out with you. We always said we'd go out together what happened to that? What happened- " Steve stopped talking as I watched him choke back his tears.

I nodded my head and gave him a small smile. "I remember all of that. There isn't a day that goes by that some memory of those times doesn't flash through my head. I've got bigger things to think about now Steve. I have a daughter. She's going to need me. It's going to take at least six months to get back in the ring after this knee injury. Soon after that Geannie will be starting school. What am I supposed to do have her travel with me and home school her? I want her to have a normal childhood. At least as normal as she can. I don't want to mess that up for her."

Steve shook his head refusing to look me in the eye. He knew that I was right. I could tell from the way he was acting that he knew I was right, but refused to admit that. I looked at Vince who had the same expression as Steve had. These two men were the most stable figures in my life. They loved me more than anyone ever would. There are many ways to love a person, and only Steve and Vince would love me with the unconditional love that fathers could give to their daughters. I knew that it was just as hard for them to hear of me leaving as it was for me to think about it.

I let a few tears fall down my cheeks before I wiped them away and smiled at both Steve and Vince.

"I'm not dying guys, I'm just retiring. I can always come back when things settle back down. I don't have to completely leave, and I don't think that I will ever truly leave this business. That is, if Vince will put up with me," I say sending a small smile to the man that has sheltered, cared, and advised me like a father would a daughter.

"Of course you will Kay, you're family."

"Steve, about Rocky, has he really been here?" I ask my nervousness once more getting hold of me. It begins to choke me as I prepare myself for the worst.

"Kayla I was telling the truth before. He had a house show to do tonight and I had to throw him out just to go. He only left your side to watch Geannie the few times that Shane needed to leave her for business. He's been making sure that she doesn't get too upset over not having mommy aroumd. He's been here holding your hand the whole time. As a matter of fact so has Rainbow Bright."

"Jeff?" I ask honestly confused. The last time that we had spoken he had walked out of my life. He had said he needed time away from me. Why would he be by my bedside making sure I got well? I had expected him to stand off in the distance watching idly, hoping, praying, and believing that I would get better soon.

"Yes baby, he's been here just as much as Dwayne has."

"But I don't understand. Steve he told you what happened that night. He told you that he wasn't ready to be a part of my life. Why was he here then?"

"A man in love puts his woman's needs before his own," Vince smiled at me as he continued on with his thoughts. " He saw that you needed as much support as you could get. He may need to sort through his feelings but his heart is in the right place. You'll find that out if you talk to him."

I watched Vince stand up and lean in to kiss my forehead. "I have business that I need to take care of. But I'll be back to visit after your surgery don't you worry."

I nodded my head to him as I still wonder in my head about everything that has just been told to me. I had blown out my knee. I was going to retire from a career that had fueled my every step. Now men that I thought would likely not be in my life anymore had been right there for me when I truly needed them.

So many things had gone wrong. Jeff and I had barely spoken since that one night. Dwayne and I had never gotten an honest chance to fix the argument between us. There was nothing that I could do from my hospital bed besides wait. Wait to see who walked in my door first. Wait to see who would come so that I could apologize and right everything once and for all.

I left my thoughts wander as doctors came in to assess me, and talk to me about my knee surgery. I wanted it done as soon as possible. Although the safest route would have been to wait a couple of days I wanted it done the very next morning and insisted on so. As I got the full work up I thought only of Dwayne and Jeff and how I would fix things with them when I got the chance to.

By the time I had gotten done talking to doctors it was already late afternoon and I was tired from the simple effort of sitting up and trying to get back and forth from the bathroom. Steve stayed quiet as I drifted back off to sleep. My body was still in pain and I found the longer I stayed up the stronger the pain and groggy in my head feeling became. It felt like I had just drifted off to sleep when I felt a hand softly squeezing my arm.

"Kay, I have to get Geannie. I'm giving Rocky the night off and Shane is back in Connecticut on business. I'll bring her back here if you'd like to see her?"

I managed to shake my head. There was no way that I wanted my daughter to see me like this. If I had gotten jumped then I knew I had to have bruises. Seeing me would only serve to scare her. "Don't bring her here Steve. I don't want her to get frightened. She won't understand what's going on. Just tell her that I love her and I'll be home soon."

"Kay she really misses you, it might be good for the both of you if-"

"Steve," I cut him off not having the patience to argue with him. "Just do as I ask. It'll scare her. Maybe after the knee surgery you can, but not now."

"Alright honey, if that's what you want."

"Thank you old man," I smiled at him and closed my eyes once more.

"You may not want to be doing that yet. You've got yourself a visitor."

I looked over at the doorway to see Jeff standing there looking very nervous. I gave him as warm as a smile as I could muster up and waved him inside.

"I'll see you later Kay," Steve gave me a kiss on the forehead, and with a nod to acknowledge Jeff he walked out of the room.

"How are you feeling?" Jeff asked sitting down next to me. "We've been pretty worried about you."

"I know, I've heard all about it. I just wish that I could remember it. What are you doing here Jeff? Not that I'm not happy you're here, it's just the last time we talked you said- "

"I know what I said Kay. Not that what I said wasn't true because it was but I've thought a lot about it. And after all of this happened I—I don't want the rest of my life to become what you said. I've been angry for so long that lately I don't know another way to be. I can't be that person anymore Kayla. I can't be the stranger in the mirror anymore. This is not about you or Dwayne or anyone else. This is about me and being ok with me. I want to be part of your life Kay. I've spent some time with Geannie over the last few days and it just reminded me of how wonderful you are. That baby is the heart and soul of you and she's completely wonderful. I want to be part of that. I have been part of your life for so long that I don't know who I am without you. If I can't have you as my lover than I know I need you as my friend. I need you there for me Kayla. And I want to be there for Geannie."

I smiled at Jeff and tried to control my tears. I had waited for so long to hear what he had just said. I had waited for years to have my friend back and he could not have picked a better time.

"And to think Jeffrey, I had a huge apology planned out for you," I smiled as he laughed softly and took his hand in mine. "I love you Jeffrey like I love no one else. I just don't have what you need. I gave my heart away a long time ago and I'm not going to ever get it back. You deserve someone wonderful and I so badly want you to see that and understand that. I've wanted nothing more than to have you back in my life. I need you Jeff. I'm not myself without you. And I know that my butterball's life will only be that much richer by having you around. If you are ready to be friends with me Jeff than I'd be more than happy to have you back in my life."

Jeff smiled at me and hopped into the hospital bed next to me when I moved over and patter the space beside me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and let out a deep sigh of contentment and relief. Even if my career was going to be ending soon I knew that the moments with the ones I loved were not going anywhere; and in truth those simple moments were all that I needed.

It was a couple of hours later that Dwayne stopped by to find me once more asleep on Jeff's shoulder as he flicked through the channels on the hospital television. I opened my eyes after hearing soft voices to find both Dwayne and Jeff interrogating a nurse who had come to check up on me.

"I don't understand why she just can't have a little bit of something." I smiled to myself as Dwayne argued. "She needs something to eat."

"She went over this with the doctor today. She wants the knee surgery done tomorrow. With the surgery scheduled early tomorrow morning eating is forbidden, only clear non-carbonated liquids. She is fully aware of this." The nurse sounded frazzled and annoyed. I could only imagine what the two of them had been putting this poor nurse through.

"Leave her alone Rocky. She's been nothing but nice all day today," I said softly letting them know I was awake.

"Kay you're up," Dwayne said happily. "I wasn't bothering her I was just- " he stayed quiet trying to find the right word.

"You were bothering her. I'm sorry," I said speaking to the nurse. "The two of them are very protective of me and sometimes they express it the wrong way. Thank you very much for dealing with their hassling and not throwing them out of the hospital." I offered a smile to her which she gladly returned.

"I have worse don't you worry. I'll be back later on to do vitals." She gave me one last smile before walking out of the room.

"I'll leave the two of you alone to talk," Jeff said slowly getting out of the bed and standing up. "I could use a little dinner anyway. I'll check in on you tomorrow Kay."

"I'll see you tomorrow Jeff." I watched as Jeff left the room and turned my attention back to Dwayne. "I hear you've been my knight in shining armor helping out with my butterball."

I smiled as Dwayne's face instantly lit up. "Pebble is great. I would do anything for her you know that. I would do anything for her and you," he added so quietly I almost missed it.

"Dwayne we have to get over this whole thing. It was one dumb hormonal moment. Nothing happened, nothing came of it. I love you so much Dwayne I don't know what I would do without you. I just think that this is ridiculous. I can't let one stupid moment decide our fate. I want to be with you and only you. If you don't know that by now then I don't know what to say to you."

"It wasn't the kiss Kay, I can get over that. You wanted someone else. You wanted them like you want me. I'm supposed to be the only one that you want. I'm supposed to be the only able to make you feel the way that Jeff made you feel."

I shook my head laughing. "Rocky you are one big idiot. I stopped Jeff because I didn't want him not because I did. My body was reacting to touch like it's meant to do but my heart—my heart thought of only you. You are the _only _one that can make me feel completely alive inside. I have never wanted another man like I want you and I never will. If this is about your pride then you need to lay it aside. I'm sorry Rocky I really am. I never wanted the whole thing with Jeff to happen, it just did. If you will still have me then I'm all yours now and forever."

Dwayne looked at me for a few moments before walking over to the bed. "I will always want you, there is never going to be a day when I won't." The quiet huskiness in his voice sent a shiver down my spine. It had been too long since we had been face to face. It had been too long since I had heard the desire and lust in his voice.

"Then it's settled. You are stuck with me," I said softly as I pulled him down for a searing kiss. The fact that we had been apart for the last two weeks made it impossible to control my urge to taste more of him.

It was only when I began to pull off his shirt that he pulled away from me. "This is a hospital Kay and you are in no condition to be doing this." He smiled at me and sat down next to me where Jeff had previously been. "I love you Kay and I don't want to ever lose you."

"You won't, but there's something that I have to talk to you about."

"I'm all ears. At least until I fall asleep that is."

I chuckled softly and grasped his hand. What I was about to say was going to be a total shock to him.

"I'm going to retire." I looked over at Dwayne to see his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide with shock. "After the knee surgery I'm going to make an official announcement."

"I'm sorry I think I was just dreaming. What exactly did you say?"

"I'm retiring."


End file.
